Ready or Not
by gleeluver96
Summary: Set after 7x14. Alison is pregnant but Emily decides she's not ready to be a parent yet. EMISON IS ENDGAME.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer. I do not own Pretty Little Liars. Any mistakes are mine. I do not have a beta. It does switch from 3** **rd** **person to 1** **st** **point of view, but I will try to keep it in 1** **st** **from now on. This is mainly for me but I thought it would be cool to post it. Maybe other people will like this story line too.**

It was the 3 AM but Alison couldn't sleep. Not when her mind was running constantly, without any sign of stopping anytime soon. A had been fucking up her life since she was fourteen. But this. This was possibly the worst thing that had happened to her by far. The only thing that topped _this_ , was being buried by her mother. _A_ had done things to her and all the girls that were cruel and invasive, but this was the most _cruel and invasive_.

She was attacked when she was in her most vulnerable state. She had been drugged repeatedly not just by her husband, but by A.D. as well. Alison had been strapped down to a bed and impregnated against her will. Since she had found out it wasn't Archer Dunhill's child, all the disgust and anger she had at herself, had doubled.

She had been angry with herself for marrying him. And disgusted because she carried his child. Now she was still angry that she married him; that she didn't see through his performance. She was also angry with A.D. but that was nothing new. What surprised her was her anger at Emily. Sweet, beautiful, and kind Emily. Alison knew logically that it was wrong to be angry with Emily. Emily was a victim in this just like Alison. _Damnit though_. Alison couldn't help it. She couldn't help but think that if Emily hadn't been so stupid to waste away all of her money and get kicked out of school, this would not be happening. If Emily hadn't needed money. If she just didn't try and sell her eggs, this wouldn't be happening to her.

Then Alison would feel guilty for thinking that of Emily. Alison knew how close Emily was to her father. Wayne was the best father anyone could have. He was the best father figure Alison had. Kenneth was always gone. It was always work with him. Even if he was home he was cold and distant. She now thinks it was all the damn secrets her family kept. But Wayne, he always had a hug and a smile for Alison whenever she saw him. Alison missed him sometimes, but she knew Emily missed him all the time. So, Alison knew she could not be angry with Emily for how she dealt with the loss of her father. Alison can't be angry with the way Emily grieved. Greives still.

Alison felt disgust, because now every time she closed her eyes she could feel someone's hands on her body. Sometimes they were the hands of a man. Other times they belong to a woman. But the feeling Alison got was all the same. Alison was unsure if they were memories or if it was just her imagination. But either way she felt them. She could feel them pulling her legs apart. She could feel them touching her, _down there._ She thinks she can feel the person moving her legs, so that she lay bare before them. When she closes her eyes, she could almost feel the cool steel of the needle that they used to inject her with. So, no. Sleep was not something she saw much of anymore.

Another thing that kept her awake was the question of what she was going to do. She had cancelled her abortion appointment almost two weeks ago, after she had told Emily. Emily had asked Alison the same question that night after the other girls went home.

"What are you going to do? About the baby?'' Emily couldn't look Alison in the eye.

"What do you want me to do?" Alison couldn't make that decision on her own. Technically, this wasn't her kid anymore. Maybe it was her body, but not her child.

"It's not up to me." Said Emily. _Yes. It is,_ Alison thought.

We didn't talk much that night. Emily left soon after, and I hadn't seen much of her since. A lot had happened in the past two weeks. The people Jason hired to find our money, had traced it into an account under the name Alex Drake. Alex Drake (the twin of Spencer Hastings) was found and taken into custody two days later. But she was an evil and vindictive bitch. Oh, how she sang about Archer Dunhill's murder, and provided video evidence. All five of us were arrested soon after. The police were only able to hold us for two hours, before the lawyers Jason hired were forced to let us go.

The video showed me running away from Archer. It also showed Hanna driving the car into him. The video showed evidence, but there was too much speculation around it. After the way I was treated by him in Webley, of course I would be running away from him. Then with how quickly Archer had run into the road, there was no proof Hanna had time to stop the car. It was possible the Dunhill's death could be accidental, or self-preservation.

"If it was an accident, why did they try to cover it up? Why not call the police?" Tanner did not think the girls to be so innocent. In turn, the lawyers drug out the long past we had with law enforcement, and just how many times the police had failed to keep us safe. They reminded Tanner of just how many times the police instead blamed us for things we didn't do. Detective Wilden was a prime example.

Then Tanner tried to tag us with "obstruction of justice". The lawyers simply dug out Archer Dunhill's long criminal records. No jury would ever side with Dunhill. They would never convict the us of murder or obstruction after what he had done to us. To me.

Alex Drake was sent to jail to await her trial, and the mountain of evidence they found with her would ensure a guilty verdict. And without conclusive evidence that Archer Dunhill's death was a murder, the case was ruled an accident. We were freed with minimal problems, and my money had been returned to my accounts.

Yet still, I have not seen or heard from Emily in a week. She heard from Spencer that Emily was in self-destruct mode for a few days. That was code for Emily was drinking heavily again. "Then she kinda just stopped. She's been hanging out with Paige a lot lately. Maybe she was able to help Em out of it." Spencer came over almost every day. We bonded over our shared fucked up family history. Spencer always had a glass of wine. I didn't.

"I think she's avoiding me." I sighed. Spencer gave me a look that meant she didn't disagree.

"Maybe she's just not ready to talk about it yet."

"Yeah, that's kinda obvious Spence. Hence the avoiding part. I don't want to talk about it either, but we do need to talk about it eventually." I was so fucking frustrated with this whole situation. She sat on the floor in front of the couch, her legs stretched out in front of her. I sat laying on the couch with my head propped up against the arm of the chair.

Spencer sipped from her wine glass and then put her head back to rest against my thigh. "Have you thought anymore about what you want to do?"

"A little bit." I replied. She turned her head to look at me.

"And? Would you like to elaborate?"

I rolled my eyes. "Before I was so sure I wanted an abortion. All I could picture was a child with Elliot's face. And I never want to look at his face again." I really needed some alcohol.

Spencer lifted her head to look at me more intently. She was trying to read me. "And now?"

I gave in and grabbed her wine glass. I took a sip before handing it back to her. She just looked at me waiting.

"And now instead of a child that looks like Elliot, I see a child that looks like Emily." I said. I saw a flash of sympathy in her eyes before she turned away.

We sat in silence for a few minutes after my confession. "Does that mean you want to keep it?"

I sat up so that my lower back was leaning against the arm of the couch now. "I don't know what I want to do. It easier to abort that child of someone you hate." I ran my hand through my hair. "I mean yeah it was mine too, but after the hell I brought onto people," I trailed off. "I honestly thought the world would be better off without another demon child. With its mother a complete bitch and manipulator, and a liar and con-artist for a father. A kid like that would have no chance of being anything other than evil. Now the baby is Emily's. The most sweet and kind-hearted person we know. Now it has a chance. Maybe having a baby like that won't be so bad."

I knew Spencer understood. "What if Dunhill is the father?"

"He's not. I had a DNA test done to see if the baby was mine or not. It wasn't. Dunhill couldn't have been the father. It was the wrong blood type."

"Well, at least it's not him." I agreed. She sighed and got up from the floor. "It's almost 4 AM. I'm gonna go home." She set her empty wine glass on the coffee table. She looked me straight in the eyes. "Please try and sleep tonight." I nodded in agreement half- heartedly. She gave one nod and turned towards the door. "Come lock the door behind me." I got up and followed her. I knew she would wait outside to hear all three locks slide into place before leaving.

I went back to the couch and turned on the TV. I grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and threw it over myself. I skimmed through the channels until I came upon some old romance movie from the 60s. I watched the movie for a few minutes with the volume nearly on mute. For the first time in weeks I fell in to a deep dreamless sleep.

I woke the next morning to a knock on the door. I ignored it at first but it only got louder. I opened my eyes to glance at the clock on the wall. It read 11 o'clock. I kicked the blanket to the foot of the couch and made my way towards the door. The first good sleep I've had in a while and someone had to ruin it. The person had started to knock again when I started unlocking the door.

"What?!" I growled letting the door fly open. Emily jumped a bit at the sudden opening of the door. My anger and annoyance vanished.

She took a deep breath. "Hey." I didn't respond. I was honestly a bit surprised to see her. "Can we talk?" I nodded stepping to the side to let her in. I closed the door behind her.

 **Author's Note.**

 **I have a pretty good idea of where I will be taking this story. I don't plan for it to be a long one, but this line has been running through my head for months now. I was hoping someone else would write it but I can't wait anymore. I don't have any other chapters written yet so hopefully I can update soon.**

 **Please review and tell me what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Any mistakes you find are mine and I apologize for them. Disclaimer, I do not own pretty little liars.**

We had been sitting in my living room in silence for a few minutes now. I sat on the couch facing the arm chair Emily was seated on. The tension in the room was starting to suffocate me. She was dressed in her usual jeans and converse, with her Sharks jacket thrown over a plain t shirt. I was still in my sweats from last night and an overly large t-shirt I stole from Jason. I glanced up from my lap to look at her, and she was studying the palm of her hands. This wasn't going to get us anywhere.

"What are you doing her Em?" At the sound of my voice her head snapped up. She was chewing on her bottom lip. One of her most obvious nervous habits. We didn't break eye contact. I hadn't seen the dark circles under her eyes when she walked in, but now that I was looking at her I could see every imperfection that hadn't been there a month ago. Her hair didn't have its usual volume and the light in her eyes had dimmed considerably. She looked as if she hadn't slept well either. I could only imagine how I looked.

She sighed. She dropped her eyes to her hands again. "I've been thinking a lot lately." She paused, and I didn't interrupt. "This is really hard for me to say." She took a deep breath. Then she looked back up at me. "I know I shouldn't have been avoiding you, and Spencer told me you've asked about me a couple of times. She kept telling me that I needed to come and see you, but I wasn't ready yet." Her eyes dropped away from again, but she continued. "I've been hanging out with Paige again. It's nice to talk to someone who gets A but really involved with the whole thing." She looked up at me again. "Did you know she got a job in Iowa? She's leaving this week."

I got the picture now. I could see where this is going. I scoffed and turned my head looking past her out the window. "And let me guess. Your back with her now? Your moving to Iowa too?" I could feel the tears welling in my eyes but I blinked a few times and pushed them back. I'm tired of crying.

"No." She said softly, my eyes snapped back to her. She was looking at me. Emily held my gaze and said "Paige and I had our time." She ran her hand through her hair. "We had our time and it was great and it wasn't. We have our problems and issues. They're the reasons were not together now, and I've learned that even if we did get back together it would be fine at first. But eventually are problems would catch up to us and we would break up again." I understood what she was saying.

"Then why bring up Paige?" I was confused about what she had to do with anything.

"She helped me clear up of few things about what I wanted." She paused. "I uh- I was offered a job as an assistant coach for a women's swim team at a University in California." I didn't speak. She sucked in a breath and tears started falling from her eyes. "And I really want to take it Ali." We locked gazes again. I couldn't stop the few tears from falling this time. Now I knew where this was headed. "I'm not ready to be a parent yet Alison. A has already taken so much from me. I want to live. I want a life of my own that I control. Even with those few years of peace, I wasn't peaceful for me, because of everything with my dad." She stopped to let out a shaky breath. "I want to be free. I want to go to California. Being here in Rosewood feels like I'm playing Russian Roulette without taking a break. I feel as though even with A gone for good now, that she's still controlling my life. I feel like this baby is just a way for her to always be in control of my life." She lifted her shoulders and let the drop again. "And I don't want that." She finished.

Silence filled the room again. Now that she had said what she wanted aloud, it looked as if some of the weight had been taken off her shoulders. But still I didn't speak, and another few moments passed. Our tears had dried and our breathing had evened out, and I still said nothing.

She broke first. "Are you going to say anything?" I said nothing. She stared at me and I stared back. Until finally I spoke.

"Okay." Her faced scrunched in confusion.

"Okay?" She asked.

"Okay." I simply said again.

Now she was frustrated with me. "What do you mean by okay?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I mean okay."

"Well can you say something other than okay?" she half yelled. She took a deep breath and leaned her elbows onto her knees. "Please Alison, just tell me what your thinking." She pleaded.

"Em, I don't know what you want me to say." I sounded a bit defeated. "I'm not mad if that what you're thinking. I understand how you feel. I really do. It seems like your mind is already made up and I don't want to stop you from doing something that will make you happy." I explained. She looked a little less tense. "Look how you feel now is exactly how I felt when I though the baby was Elliot's. And A has controlled all of our lives for so long I'm glad that you're finally getting to live." I smiled sadly at her. "And who knows maybe I finally get to do the same.

"This isn't the life you were supposed to have Em. You were supposed to be a great Olympic swimmer and after you won more medals the Michael Phelps you were supposed to coach the greatest Olympic swimmers. I am so sorry that A stole that from you. I am sorry that A stole all those years from you. I know you'll never have that life but maybe you can get something close to it." Out of all that things that had happened, there is no one on the Earth that deserved A's torture less than Emily.

"And what about you Ali." She said. "You deserve a much better life too. What about all the things A stole from you? Your family? Your idea of marriage? This isn't how your life was supposed to turn out either." Looking at us now, we are so much different from the carefree 14-year old's we used to be. We had been worn out and we are only 24. "Maybe you should leave Rosewood too. Maybe this town is just too toxic for us now."

I gave a humorless laugh. "Em we both know that there would not have been an A if it weren't for me. If I hadn't been such a spoiled bitch. I deserved everything I got. People hate me because I ruined lives Em."

"Alison that's not true- "but I cut her off.

"Jenna lost her sight because of me. Toby went to juvie. Lucas was bullied by me so bad he was happy to see me die. I blackmailed Spencer's dad. Mona became A to drive me out of town. Do I really need to go on?" I asked. We both know that I was guilty of a lot of things.

"You're not that person anymore." Emily reasoned. "You're not the same person that- "

"That broke your heart." I said. We stared at each other for a few seconds. "No, I'm not, but that doesn't erase what I did." I said sadly shaking my head.

"Then why don't you go and start somewhere new?" She asked.

"Because I've run away from Rosewood before and the terror still followed me. Even with A on the loose, all I wanted was to come back home and be with my family. It doesn't matter where I go, the memories will still follow me." I took a deep breath. "When I was on the run all I could think about was seeing my family again, my friends, sleeping in my own bed again." I paused. "But when I came home my mom was dead, my father was around more but he still worked all the time. Jason was at least sober, but he looked at me as if his life was better when I was dead." I shrugged. "Spencer was the sister he wanted, and he proved that when he took her side and had me put behind bars." Emily's eyes turned guilty and sad, but I just continued.

"After everything with Charlotte, my dad hasn't wanted anything to do with me. I haven't talked to him in years. Jason couldn't really handle things with our family so he took off too. All of you left as soon as you could and never contacted me. All I had was Charlotte, and I didn't even have her. Not really." I looked around. "But I still have my home. After all these years and everything that happened. After how hard I fought to get back here. I really don't want to leave again."

Emily nodded. "Even after all the shit that has happened at my house, it still feels like home." She said. "It's where my parents raised me, and crazy enough I still get some sense of security being there."

"Kind of how you don't want A to control you, I don't want A to force me out of my home. Not again." I said. It was silent after that. Minutes passed before the silence was broken.

"So, what are you going to do?" She asked me. My eyes snapped to hers'. We stayed like that trying to read each other. I didn't have to ask about what she meant.

"I think it may be best if I just reschedule my appointment." I said. She nodded at me as if she agreed. And my hearth broke a little.

Emily left for California two days later, and I scheduled an appointment.

My heart broke a little more.

 **So this chapter took longer to write. The next chapter will be about Alison's doctor appointment. Let me know what you think of the chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

**So I apologize ahead of time for any grammar mistakes or inconsistencies with this story. I don't have kids, but I did do a little research to get it as right as possible. This chapter was a lot longer than I thought it would be.**

 **Disclaimer I do not own Pretty Little Liars.**

Spencer and I pulled up to the women's clinic at 4 in the afternoon on a Friday. Work had been exhausting that day. I tried my best to stay focus and prepare my students for their English exams next Tuesday, but it had been difficult. All I could think about was my appointment this afternoon. Being here now made my stomach twist in knots.

"Are you sure you wanna do this? Because it's okay if you don't Ali." Spencer was leaning forward in the driver's seat with her elbow resting on the steering wheel, and her body turned towards me. I took a deep breath and turned towards her. I nodded my head.

"Yeah I'm sure." I swallowed down the lump in my throat. I turned my eyes back towards the clinic. "This is what's best." I tried to convince myself. I didn't wait for her response. I reached for the door handle and got out of Spencer's car. I could hear Spencer open and shut her door before the sound of the car's horn sounded once, signaling the car doors' locks.

When we entered the center the first thing that caught my eyes were the posters that seemed to be hanging on every inch of the wall space they had available. I ignored them as I walked up to the receptionist. The woman looked up at me.

"Alison DiLaurentis." I said. "I have an appointment at 4:15." She glanced into her computer to confirm.

"Alright Ms. DiLaurentis we have you here. It looks like you faxed in all of the paperwork earlier." She looked at me to confirm. I nodded my head. "Okay, if you would just sign in the doctor will be right with you." She gave me a sad half smile. I ignored it. I signed my name and turned to see where Spencer was sitting.

She was sitting in a corner far away from the few other women that were in the waiting room. I sat next to her and stared forward. She didn't try to start a conversation. I was very thankful for that. I stared at the squared tile on the floor. I stared at anything but all the damn posters with smiling mothers and their infants or toddlers. I avoided looking at the diagrams of a woman's anatomy during the stages of pregnancy. I avoided looking at the posers of women holding their swollen bellies smiling happily at me. As if they were mocking me. I definitely didn't look at the other women in the room, some with small children of their own. Or a loving spouse sitting beside them as they spoke lovingly to one another.

It felt like hours before they called my name, and the tension and anxiety still did not leave my body. "Do you want me to come with you?" I looked at Spencer. She looked at me with the same sad eyes she had been using since I told her I scheduled an appointment.

"No. I think I'm okay." I said. She nodded and sat back in her chair.

"I'll be right here then." I nodded and got up to follow that nurse behind the door.

They did all the regular things. Checking my weight and height. They checked my temperature and blood pressure. And then the nurse left the room. I was left alone in a room surrounded once again by posters of women and babies smiling at me. I didn't avoid looking this time. I glanced at the different posters seeing the smiles and how happy these women looked with their babies. How the woman caressing her belly seemed to beam down at the child growing insider her. I studied the diagrams depicting the sizes and fruit comparisons of a fetus at different stages in a pregnancy.

The knock on the door startled me. I breathed deeply before calling out, "Come in." The doctor was an older Hispanic woman with a few graying hairs and laugh lines on her face. She didn't look at me with sadness or pity. She looked at me with kindness and understanding, and I was most grateful for it.

"Hello Alison." She greeted me. "I'm Dr. Alvarez. How are you today?" This woman had a certain kindness and genuine feel to her, so I told her the truth.

"I'm terrified." I admitted.

She nodded her head in understanding. "You do know that you have options, correct?" I nodded. Spencer had been telling me the same thing. She cut straight to it. "I need you to understand that what you do here today is permanent. So if you are unsure or want to take some more time to think about thing you can."

I looked down at me hands and nodded. "I'm sure." She sighed and got up to grab the small paper white cup and half sized water bottle that I didn't notice she brought with her. She handed them to me, but I just stared at them.

"I'm going to go check on a few things with the nurse, I'll be back in five minutes." I didn't look up at her or even acknowledge that I heard her. I simply looked at the small white pill in the paper cup. "Alright." She said and turned and left the room closing the door behind her with a soft click. I sat there on the exam table for a few seconds before I took a deep breath and put the pill in my mouth.

Before it even hit my tongue, it was like the pill had turned every taste bud in my mouth bitter. It was the rottenest thing that I had ever tasted. Before my mind had caught up with my body's reaction, I was up and at the sink in a blink of an eye. I spat the pill from my mouth as if it was poison. It was poison. I used the water to rinse my mouth out. I did this repeatedly until I was sure that there was no trace that I had even tasted the pill. And then the tears started to fall.

They were thick tears, and they came pouring out fast. I few sobs had ripped their way out of my throat before a smothered them with my hand. I let the tears fall for a little longer. Then I started taking deep breaths trying to soothe myself and make the tears stop. I took a few more deep breaths forcing myself into a false calm state. I clenched my eyes shut and just kept breathing. I don't know how long I stood there just breathing. Dr. Alvarez knocked on the door. I used both of my hands and ran them over my cheeks and just under my eyes to clear away any excess tears.

"Come in." I said. My voice was shaking and thick with anguish, trying to work its way around the large lump in my throat. I breathed deeply and cleared my throat. The door opened and Dr. Alvarez came in before closing the door behind her. I leaned back against the counter top with my arms crossed over my chest. She stood two feet away from me. She didn't speak at first, she just studied me.

"Are you okay Alison?" She said finally. I avoided her gaze.

"No." I said. "But I will be."

"Well, your free to go if you wish you'll need to check with the nurse at the front desk. She will give you the second pill that you need to take in three days." She explained.

I cleared my throat again. "That won't be necessary." I said. I looked her in the eyes now. "I'm keeping my baby." She smiled at me.

"Okay. Well then, if you'd like, we can just as easily turn this into your first sonogram appointment if you want.

I nodded my head. "I would like that."

"Of course, did you bring anyone with you? Do you want them in here with you?" she asked.

"My cousin Spencer Hastings is in the waiting room. Could you get her for me?" I asked.

"I will go and get her, and then we'll get set up."

I sat back down on the exam table and waited. Not even a minute later the door flung open and shut quickly behind Spencer. She was obviously worried. She stood in front of me and took both my hands into hers. "Are you okay? You've been crying." She stated.

"I just wanted you here. I decided to keep it, so they're going to do a sonogram." I said. Her shoulder sagged as she breathed in relief. "Why do you seem so relieved?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Because I knew this wasn't what you wanted. It was obvious the night we talked about it, when you said you no longer pictured a kid that looked like Elliot."

"I just thought it would be easier for everyone if I just terminated the pregnancy. But I can't do that."

"It wouldn't be what's best for everyone if it broke you Ali. After everything that we've been through this would have been the thing to tear you apart." She was right and I knew that.

The doctor came back shortly after wheeling in the sonogram machine. After she set up she turned to me and Spencer. "You must be Alison's cousin Spencer, I'm Dr. Alvarez." Spencer shook her hand and greeted her back. "Alright then Spencer if you want to pull up a chair next to Alison. And Alison if you would unbutton your pants and pull them down a little and lift your shirt, we can get started." We both did as she asked and Dr. Alvarez turned off the lights, but it wasn't completely dark because of the sun still shining through the window. "Alright now this will be a bit cold." I flinched a little when I felt the coolness of the gel. But my eyes stayed glued to the small monitor.

"And here we go. There is your bladder." She moved the wand over my belly spreading the gel around. "And your cervix. Ah ha, and there is your baby." I sucked in a tiny breath. Dr. Alvarez pointed at the screen showing my different parts of the baby. "Here is the spine there, and the head, and the fast flickering there is the heart. You look to be about 10 weeks." She turned to me. "Does that sound right?" I nodded my head but kept my eyes on the screen. I was completely enamored. "Let see if we can get some sound." The quick swooshing of my child's heartbeat filled the room, and more tears welled in my eyes.

"Holy shit." Spencer said. "Should it be that fast?" I looked at the doctor.

"Yes," she assured us. "It's completely normal for babies." I nodded. "Okay well everything looks good. Would you like pictures?" she asked.

"Yes please." I said.

"Alright." Too soon she cut off the monitor and turned on the lights. She grabbed a few paper towels and handed them to me so I could clean off my stomach. "I'm going to write down some prenatal vitamins that I want you to take every day. And you can schedule your next appointment with the receptionist. Your nurse will be in with your pictures soon."

I nodded. "Thank you." I said to her. I threw away the paper towels in the waste bin next to the exam bed and stood up to rebutton my pants and pull down my shirt.

"Of course." She smiled kindly at me and shook my hand before leaving the room. I glanced over at Spencer who was still sitting in the chair. She just smiled at me.

It was silent during the ride home until we pulled into my drive way and Spencer turned off the car.

"So," she turned to look at me with the most serious look. "I'm the godmother, right?" I snorted and laughed for what seemed to be the first time in years. She just grinned at me.

I was gonna be just fine.

 **I ask that you guys review and tell me what you think.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Any mistakes are mine.**

 **Disclaimer I do not own Pretty Little Liars.**

I sat on the couch eating Taisan cake. It was one of the few things I had a constant craving of. Not that it surprised me. It was one of Emily's favorite desserts. Her mom used to make them for her on special occasions. Luckily for me I found a Filipino restaurant in Philadelphia that specialized in them. The owners, Mr. and Mrs. Reyes, knew me by name now and had a cake delivered one a week. Sometimes I would go out to Philadelphia to try their other dishes. I could recognize a few of them from the Thanksgivings I spent at the Fields' house.

I was six months pregnant. I was sure my stomach grew by the minute, but Dr. Alvarez assured me that my child was fine. My child was the perfect weight and very healthy. Spencer went with me to most of my doctors' appointments, but when she couldn't I didn't so much mind going on my own. Surprisingly Veronica Hasting showed up to one of my appointments in Spencer's stead.

"Spencer's meeting is running late, so I thought I would come instead. I hope you don't mind." Honestly, she looked uncomfortable.

I shook my head. "No I don't mind." I gave her a small smile. It was a bit tense in the room, but thankfully, Dr. Alvarez came in a moment later.

"Hello Alison, how are you today?" She always had a smile on her face. I greeted her and smiled back at her. "And who do you have with you today?" She directed her attention to Veronica.

Veronica stood from where she was and held at her hand. "I'm Veronica Hastings." She said while shaking the doctor's hand.

"Ahh, Spencer's mama." She said. "I am Dr. Alvarez, Alison's OBGYN. And may I ask where you cousin is today Ms. Alison." Veronica tensed a bit when Dr. Alvarez called Spencer my cousin.

"She working." I answered.

"Oh well, you can tell her I will answer any other questions she has next time then." Veronica looked at me confused.

"Whenever we are here Spencer asks at least 30 questions about babies and pregnancies." Since I didn't really have anyone besides Spencer, she had thrown herself head first into making sure I didn't feel alone. "She's read more books about babies and pregnancy than I have." I laughed. Before I got pregnant, Spencer didn't really know much about either subject. So now she was trying to learn as much a she possibly could. Spencer hated not knowing everything about anything.

After my appointment that day I told Veronica, "You know you didn't need to come. I would have been okay by myself."

She nodded. "I don't like to think about leaving Spencer or Melissa before I'm ready." She said. "I can't imagine if Melissa would have had to go through her pregnancy with Taylor without me. Or my pregnancy without my mom." She looked at me. "I don't want to try and take your mom's place and I'm sorry you're doing this without her. But if you have any questions or there is anything you want to know, I would be more than happy to answer them for you."

I nodded my head, and teared up a little bit. "Thank you, Mrs. Hastings." I laughed a little. "I have so many questions."

She smiled at me. "Call me Veronica. Why don't I take you to lunch? I'll answer anything you want to know."

That was two months ago. Veronica Hastings had become someone important to me. She had even bought a few gender-neutral things for the baby. Spencer jokingly said once that we were practically sisters now. And with the way twin DNA worked, she wasn't exactly wrong.

The thought of DNA brought me back to the present. I had just finished off another piece of Taisan cake. Gilmore Girls was playing on the TV, but I wasn't really paying attention since Rory was now a character that got on my last nerve. Instead, my eyes kept being drawn to the manila folder laying on my coffee folder.

It was the file of the sperm donor Alex Drake used to fertilize Emily's eggs. The file of the biological father of my baby. Toby had brought it over earlier that day. The police had found it with some of Alex Drake's thing months ago, but they were only just now releasing it to me. I reached for the wine glass that was on the coffee table next to the file and an empty plate. Spencer would kill me if she knew I was drinking wine, but Dr. Alvarez said an occasional glass of wine wouldn't hurt. I really wasn't sure if I wanted to know who was in that file. But I knew that I had to find out. I set the glass down and opened the file.

The first thing my eyes were drawn to was his picture. He had dark curly hair and hazel brown eyes. His jaw was strong and his eyes were intense. He was very good looking. My mind immediately started picturing a child with dark curls and chocolate brown eyes. With a complexion darker than this man's but lighter than Emily's. The file was a few pages long. It was a brief history of both his maternal and paternal grandparent, his parents, and himself.

His name was Francesco Joshua Gray. His maternal grandparents were full blooded Italian. His grandmother migrated to the east coast as a child. His grandfather's parents had come to the America as children. His grandfather Marcello De Rosa, and his grandmother Dahlia Bello met in high school. They married and moved to California a few years later for a job opportunity. Francesco's mother Isabella De Rosa was the youngest of three children.

His paternal family was very different. His paternal grandfather was Samuel Gray. He was the youngest of six children. He was born in Washington on the Puyallup Indian Reservation. His father was the chief. He fought in the Second World War and was stationed in Hawaii where he met his wife Erene Paewai, a Polynesian woman. After they married, they had only one child. Francesco's father was William "Ka'ike'apona" Gray.

William Gray and Isabella De Rosa met in college and settled in California. Francesco was their youngest son, but he had an older brother and younger sister. He studied biology at Berkeley, and is currently a heart surgeon in Washington near his grandfather's reservation. He was tall and athletic. He stood at 6'6. He played football and baseball in high school, but he only played baseball in college.

The file did record that his family had no history of cancer or any substance abuse. It also listed his reason for donating. He had a close friend who was sterile from a teenage accident, and in order to have children with his wife, a donor was needed. He wrote that he wanted to help couples like them. I wonder what he would think if he knew exactly where his donation had ended up.

I got up and went to file the folder away in my room. I put it in a binder, in my closet, with all my other important documents. It would be nice to have for later when the baby was older. I was sure the she or he would eventually have questions. It wasn't easy getting the box back into place, with my pregnant belly weighing me down.

I went back into the living room. I grabbed the empty plate and moved to put it into the kitchen sink. As I was about to sit back down on the couch, there was a knock on my door. I sighed and straightened myself back up to go an open the door.

When I opened the door, I blinked in surprise at the person standing on the other side. "Jason?" He stared back at me in surprise. His eyes were trained on my stomach. "What are you doing here?"

He continued to stare. "I uhh." He cleared his throat. "You're pregnant." He stated. I rested my hand on my protruding stomach, and his eyes lifted to meet mine. He was shocked. I rolled my eyes and turned back into the house. I left the door open giving him the invitation to follow me. I heard the door shut as a sunk back down into the couch. My backache was getting worse. Jason plopped down on the other side of the couch. I looked at him. He stared at me and I stared back.

"Sooo. You're pregnant." He said again. "When were you going to tell me?" He asked. I rolled my eyes again.

"Around whatever time you finally decide to call me." I said. I could really use some more Taisan cake.

"That's not fair Alison. I've just been busy with getting everything back in order after your ex-husband stole all our money." He snapped at me. I tensed and the glared at him.

"How dare you?" I seethed. His face changed from mad to guilty.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." He said.

I scoffed at him. "Yeah you did." He didn't reply.

"You could've still called and told me." He said. "I mean I may hate its father, but I would have been around to help out."

"Okay first, Archer Dunhill isn't the father. And second, when have you ever been around?"

"I would've been if you had just called Ali." He yelled.

"Why would I call you when it's so obvious that you would rather be anywhere else?" I shouted. He opened his mouth to respond, but I cut him off. "Don't mistake me for Spencer Jason. When I call, I get your voicemail, until a few months later when you're ready to call me back." He didn't say anything. "Yeah you got our money back and hired some lawyer, but you only did that because you couldn't disappear the way you wanted to without any money."

Jason clenched his jaw and looked away. "That's not true. You're my sister. If you ever needed anything, all you needed to do was ask."

"Like how I needed an alibi that Thanksgiving." His head snapped towards me. We hadn't ever mentioned it before. "I get it Jason. It's not like we were close growing up. I was a bitch to everyone, including you before I disappeared. But after I came back all I wanted was my family back. I wanted my brother. But you looked at me as if your life was better when I was dead." His eyes widened. He immediately scooted closer to me on the couch and took both of my hands into his. I tried to look away, but he tugged on my hands directing my attention back to him.

"Alison, you are my sister and I love you. I know that was a foreign concept for us growing up but I do." He said. "I'm very happy to have you back. I just don't know how to be here Al. It's this place. Everywhere I go here, there is some bad memory or a past regret waiting to slap me in the face. And with everything with our family…" he trailed off. "I didn't think you wanted me here." He shrugged.

We sat in silence for a moment. The corner of my lip twitched up. "So, I thought you didn't want to be around me, and you thought I didn't want you around."

He scoffed. "We really gotta talk more." I gave a soft laugh. "Come here." He said. He wrapped one arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his shoulder. I was content there. "I still can't believe your pregnant." He whispered against my hair. I laughed.

"I'm just finished my second trimester." I responded.

"So," he started, "if Dunhill isn't the father, who is?" I was about to launch into an explanation, when the front door opened.

"Alison!" Spencer shouted. She turned the corner into the living room. Her face lit up in surprise. "Jason!" she exclaimed. She held out her arms. I moved away so Jason could get up and hug Spencer. "When did you get here? How long are you staying?" She asked.

He smiled at her. "I just got here actually. I plan on sticking around for a while." He looked at me. "At least until the baby is born." I smiled up at him.

"Alison!" Spencer shouted again, but this time in anger. "I swear to God, that better be juice in that wine glass!"

 **So the reason I write Alison the way I do, is because after all the secrets she has held, and all the times she had to stay silent, I don't think she wants to do that anymore. I think a lot of people feel as if she should always be the one apologizing, but people have wronged her too. I don't think she should have to spend the rest of her life apologizing. She also shouldn't have to keep silent about the things that hurt, or bother her just because of the things she has done. The same way everyone else tells her how she hurt them, she should be able to tell them the same. Another thing is that it takes a village to raise a baby, and this is me building her village.**

 **It took me a while to decide on who I thought the father should be. My top two choices (besides the anonymous donor) were Toby and decoy Charles. I thought it would be an A worthy thing if the father was Toby. I almost wrote Toby because of Alex Drake's obsession with him and how screwed up it would have been. Especially with Toby and Alison's history. I did not like Wren as the father.**

 **As always tell me what you think in a review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**First, I want to thank everyone for their kind reviews and for following/favoriting my story. To answer a few questions, I don't know how long the story will be but I don't think more than 15 chapter, if that. I created the father the way I did because I don't want there to be a third party involved. I didn't want to do the cliché of have a donor that looked like Alison. I also love exploring different cultures and backgrounds. I also imagine Alison having some Italian in her family. I love the Native American culture and I just recently watched Moana. So you have the donor. Yes, I do plan to bring Emily back at some point but I don't know when though. Nothing was prewritten for this story. I promise I update as soon as a chapter is finished.**

 **Now, Disclaimer, I do not own Pretty Little Liars. Any mistakes are mine.**

Thanksgiving had come in gone. We decided to just order take out and hang out in Spencer's barn. Surprisingly, Aria joined us. Both she, and Ezra had drifted apart when Nicole returned. Aria had tried to be understanding to the situation, but when Ezra had kept putting the wedding plans on hold to cater to Nicole, Aria couldn't stay. She understood that things were difficult for Ezra, but he was always canceling on Aria. His excuse always began with "Sorry, but Nicole…". So, Aria was around more now. Spencer had enlisted Aria into helping with the baby's nursery. As well as Toby.

Toby had been back in town for a few months, and had started working as a police officer again. He and Spencer were talking again, and hanging out more. I asked her about it once.

"Are you and Toby thinking about getting back together." We were shopping for a car seat and stroller.

She shrugged. "I would like to, but I understand that he's still grieving. As much as I would like to pretend Yvonne was just a rebound, I can't." She sighed. "She was his wife and he loved her. I know he still needs time. The best thing I can do right now, is be his friend. All he wants is a friend, and I'm okay with that." She stopped to look at the price of a green and yellow zoo animal set. "I'm not going to try and force anything. If we end up together, then great. If we don't," she shrugged, "then I'll just find my happy ending somewhere else." We haven't talked about it again since.

It was mid-December, and my due date is two weeks from now. I had started my maternity leave last week, but I decided to make my leave permanent for now. I really didn't like the idea of leaving my child with someone else at any time. Fortunately, I have more than enough money to support myself without working. It helped that Jason was a very good investor. He bought a condo twenty minutes outside of town, and opened an office in Philadelphia. He works as a financial advisor for others, and helps turn failing companies around.

I was really happy to have my brother back. He had taken the initiative to be the best possible uncle there is. Which is why he is sitting on the floor in the nursery, with Toby, trying to put the crib together. He and Toby had painted the nursery a week ago. The walls were a light gray now, with a wide yellow strip painted in the middle that went all the way around the room, until it met a white tree on the far wall. The branches of the tree spread out along most of the wall. A few of the branches had yellow owls painted on the them. There were yellow and grey leaves painted on them, and a baby monkey in a diaper hanging from one branch. I had forgotten how good of an artist my brother was.

I watched Toby and Jason argue. Jason had been trying to put the crib together for days. He looked at the instructions, grabbed a piece, looked back at the instructions, and then realized he had the wrong part. It was a continuous cycle. Luckily, Toby had actual carpentry work under his belt. Toby only need to look at the instructions once before knowing exactly how everything went.

"Hey, how's it going with the crib?" Aria asked. She handed a coffee to Spencer, and took a sip of her own. She then handed me my cheese croissant and hot chocolate. Jason's head snapped up at the sound of her voice. His face melted from frustration into a small smile. I looked at Spencer and she looked at me. Then we both looked from Aria to Jason.

"Good." Said Jason.

"Yeah." Toby chipped in. "We should be finished with this by tonight." He turned to Jason. "Can you hand me that screwdriver." Jason didn't respond immediately, his gaze was still on Aria. Toby moved his foot and kicked him. Jason's head snapped towards Toby. Toby raised his eyebrows and repeated himself in a slow voice, like he was talking to a child who didn't speak English. "The screwdriver?" Jason blushed and handed it to him before making himself look busy. Spencer and I couldn't help but laugh. Aria was blushing a bit too.

Spencer, Aria, and I filled the room with small talk as the guys worked. Toby and Jason would add something into the conversation before focusing on the crib again. "So, Jason," I began, "when are you going to let me cut your hair?"

Spencer joined in. "Yeah, and shave." Jason just looked up at us unimpressed. We had been nagging him about it since he got back. He had shaved since then, but it was quickly growing back. "You look like a hobo." She added, and I laughed. Jason just shook his head, scratched his growing beard, and went back to work. He kept his hair tied back today.

"I think he looks good." Said Aria. Spencer and I both rolled our eyes when Jason looked up at us with his triumphant grin.

"Then never." He said with a final nod of his head. Spencer and I just looked at Aria.

"Traitor." Spencer called out. Aria just shrugged her shoulders.

"Oh, please Spencer, Toby has a thicker beard and looks more homeless than Jason on any day." I couldn't stop myself from laughing at that. Spencer glared at me, and Toby protested that statement.

"What it's true." I said to Spencer. Toby looked at me with his pout. "It's okay Toby, I think Spencer likes the homeless look." It was Spencer's turn to blush. Toby just smirked and wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"Shut up." Spencer said to Toby. We all just laughed. The crib was finished soon after and we all sat in my kitchen eating the lasagna I made. Spencer tried to help, but I learned long ago to that she couldn't cook worth a damn. Aria helped me instead. Spencer sat on the counter and watched. Jason sat at the bar watching Aria and talking quietly with Toby. After dinner Spencer had forced me in a chair, while she and Toby cleaned the kitchen. I sat and watched while rubbing my belly and trying to sooth baby thumper. I gasped at a sudden hard kick to the ribs. Spencer's head turned towards me in concern.

"You okay?" she asked. Everyone's attention was on me. I smiled reassuringly.

"Yeah, Thumper is just really active right now." She seemed satisfied with that answer.

"With her energy, she's going to be amazing at field hockey." Spencer said.

Jason snorted. "You mean _he_ is going to be amazing at baseball." Jason had been arguing with Spencer about the gender of the baby for months now. I decided to wait and be surprised.

Aria spoke although I don't think she meant to. "If anything, the kid is going to be a swimmer." The kitchen went dead silent. Aria's eyes widened, and Spencer glared at her. Jason and Toby just looked uncomfortable. I was caught off guard by that comment. Aria looked at me and was about to apologize, when I stopped her.

I shook my head at her. There was no need for her to be sorry. Just because Emily wasn't here doesn't mean that she stopped existing. I chuckled and looked down at my overgrown stomach, rubbing it affectionately. "You're probably right." I said. "He or she is probably going to set world records in the pool." The tension drained out of the room, but not completely. I know they liked to try and avoid talking about Emily in front of me.

But Jason shook his head defiantly. "Baseball is the DiLaurentis sport. I'm gonna teach him everything there is to know." With that Spencer and Jason's argument started back up, and everyone was back in good spirits.

Everyone left shortly after, and I wondered back upstairs to the nursery. My room was on the other side of the stair case. I didn't bother turning on the light as there was a nightlight that shined in the dark automatically. Light in the shape of stars, lit up the room. I sat in the rocking chair and surveyed the room. It was perfect.

The crib was wood that was painted a soft grey. Yellow sheets covered the bedding inside the crib. The crib skirts were a soft yellow as well. Hanging over the side of the rail was a soft yellow baby blanket Aria had made. _Thumper_ was spelled out in grey stitching on one edge. It was a bit big for an infant, but it wouldn't be too big for a toddler. The changing table was on the other side of the room against the opposite wall. It was also yellow with little owls in grey. The rocking chair was in the corner of the room next to the changing table. On the wall farthest from the door, was a white chest that was filled with different toys and stuffed animals. Toby and Jason had bought a few of them, but most of them were from Veronica. Next to that was the window, Spencer had put up white drapes earlier that day. In front of the window was a grey dresser filled with baby clothes and other necessities. Toby had also changed the carpet to a plush baby yellow.

The closet next to the door was already filled with more baby clothes. They would last, for at least the first year of the baby's life. There were also boxes of diapers and wipes on the closet floor. Pacifiers and Bottles were down stairs in the kitchen. The car seat Spencer and I picked out was already secured in my car, and the stroller in the trunk. My baby bag was already packed and ready to go. I set up a bassinet in my room beside my bed. I didn't plan on Thumper using the nursery until he was at least a few months old. Everything was ready. I was ready. Now I just had to wait for Thumper to be ready.

I sat rocking back in forth in the chair. The house was completely quiet. It was at times like this that I thought about Emily. We hadn't talked since she left. She had pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth. Spencer was really upset about that, though she never said it. Spencer missed Emily, and Hanna too. She was glad Aria was around more now, but hated the fact Emily and Hanna weren't. Hanna had married Caleb and disappeared to New York and was building a brand with Mona. Things between them had been tense when she left, because of the whole Caleb situation. But that didn't give Hanna the right to shut Spencer out. She tried to distract herself from missing them by looking towards the future. She figured that they had grown apart before and that it would take a while, but they would be back. I couldn't help but agree. Hanna and I still had our issues and I wish that someday, we could get into a better place. I would wait until Hanna was ready, but I wanted Emily here now.

I wanted her to be there to hear Thumper's heartbeat. I wanted her there to feel the baby kick the first time. I wondered what she would think of the nursery. I wanted her to talk to me when I woke up at three in the morning with heartburns and cravings. I wondered what she would think of my craving for Taisan cake. I wondered about our lives if things had been different. What if A never came back? What if this was a pregnancy we both planned for? What if she wanted to be here?

But Emily wasn't here, and this was the way things were. I understood why she couldn't be here, but it still hurt. It hurt to think that she didn't want Thumper. That she didn't want me. But I can't keep wishing for her. It is what it is. I was just going to have to make the best of things. This life may not be perfect, but it was mine.

 **So this took longer for me to write. I am a Junior in college and had a few exams this week. So I know I have a few Ezria fans and I apologize that Ezra is not Aria's love interest. I wanted to explore Aria and Jason's relationship because I thought it was very interesting. Another reason is I needed Jason to be grounded to Rosewood. He needed more of a reason to stick around. So this chapter has some insight to Alison's feelings regarding Emily, and a bit of the dynamic between Toby and Spencer.**

 **I don't think it's a good idea for Spencer and Toby to jump into a relationship, I think they need to rebuild their friendship first. I know people keep wondering about Emily, but Alison's life does continue whether Emily is there, or not. With that said I did promise and Emison story and this still is.**

 **As always please review.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I apologize for any mistakes. Disclaimer, I do not own Pretty Little Liars.**

Labor was a fucking bitch. But the end result was beautiful. I went into labor late on a Wednesday night and didn't give birth until Thursday evening. Everything went fine, if you call 17 hours of labor fine, but most books concluded that long labor was normal for first time mothers. Spencer had stuck by my side the entire time. Jason tried, but as things progressed he became increasingly squeamish. He eventually decided to wait in the waiting room with Aria. Toby showed up after his shift and waited with them. Veronica was there for a lot of it too. She helped talk me through most of it, but Spencer was the only one with me when it came time to push. It was still nice to have someone there, who experienced what I was going through.

He came in to the world as quiet as a mouse. It worried me, but the doctors assured me he was completely fine. His eyes were open and he was aware of everything. They said he was the perfect color and showed no signs of distress. They still had to remove some excess fluid from his nostrils and mouth. After they cleaned him up a bit, the nurse laid him on my chest. I moved my hospital gown down some. I read that skin to skin contact was an important way mothers bonded with their children.

The moment I saw his face every hole that had been left in my heart was filled by him. He was absolutely perfect. I could hear the doctor talking, but I wasn't retaining anything she said. All of my senses were completely overwhelmed by him. He was born with a head full of thick dark curls. His eyes darted around quickly, but never left my face. They were a familiar brown. His little jaw was obscured by his soft round cheeks. I used my fingers to trace every part of his little face. His tiny chin, his lips, his adorable nose, and his scrunched forehead. I softly ran my fingers through his dark curls. I then checked to make sure he had all ten fingers and all ten toes. My son was perfect.

I didn't want to let him go, but the nurses had to take him away to check him over. Spencer must have read the alarmed expression on my face, because she volunteered to go with him. I watched her follow them out of the room. Anxiety had taken over my body the moment he was out of my sight. When the after birth was finished, the nurses helped me clean up as much as I could. Then I was moved to another room. After I was settled in my room, only a few minutes passed before the nurse rolled my son into the room. Those minutes were agonizing. I reached out to take him back into my arms without hesitation. He fit there perfectly.

"I promise, he didn't leave my sight." I had always feared that A may return to wreak havoc on my life again, but now that my son was actually here, my fear intensified. What if A was lurking around the corner, just waiting to snatch away my happiness once more? The simple thought of my son having to experience half of what I did, made me sick with worry.

"He's beautiful Alison." Spencer said, while staring down at him. He was awake and contently snuggled against my chest.

"Do you wanna hold him?" I really didn't want to let him go, but Spencer has been waiting for months to meet him. She nodded her head quickly, and I gently handed him over. The moment he was in Spencer's arms, she started crying.

"Holy shit." She said. I laughed. She was in awe of him. Though not as much as me. "Hey there," she cooed. "I'm your god-mom. I'm so happy to meet you." He simply stared up at her, and brought one fist to his mouth. She held him for a few minutes, and I relaxed back onto the hospital bed. I was exhausted, but I didn't want to sleep and miss out on one minute of him. "Should I go grab the others?" She asked.

"Please." I knew the others would be pacing the waiting room, wanting to meet him. She placed him back in my arms, and quickly went to retrieve the others. He was still awake and sucking on his fist, though he looked as if he was about to fall asleep. His eyelids would droop before snapping back into attention. She returned minutes later with my brother, Aria, Toby, and Veronica. Once Jason's eyes caught sight of his nephew, a large grin split his face. They all shuffled in baring small gifts like teddy bears and flowers. Aria had large blue and pink balloons. One of them read it's a boy, but in the opposite side it read it's a girl. Toby was smiling softly, and stood at the foot of the bed with his hands in his pockets. Jason came straight to my bedside, with Aria close beside him. Veronica tip toed to the other side of the hospital bed to get a closer look. Spencer walked in behind them and came to a stop beside Toby.

"Oh my God." Tears welled in Aria's eyes and she was using her hands to fan her face. She took a deep breath and tried to regain her composure. Then she used the back of her hands to wipe at her cheeks. "I don't know why I'm so emotional." She laughed. "He's perfect Ali."

"Thank you, Aria." I turned to Jason. "Here. Hold your nephew. Just support his head." He looked alarmed, but reached out to cradle him anyway. He held himself stiffly and barely moved an inch. When the baby let out a frustrated whine, he looked up at me with his eyes wide. Aria then moved his arms to support the baby better, fixing Jason's elbow to support his head. The baby quickly settled down. Jason held him for a few minutes and laid a kiss on his curls, before passing him to Aria. From Aria he went to Veronica, and from Veronica to Toby. Each of them commented on how beautiful he was. It was adorable to see Toby with a baby in his arms, and with the way Spencer looked at him, I can only guess that she agreed.

Toby placed him back in my arms. "So," he started, "what's his name?" He asked. I looked down at my son. He had fallen asleep and was grasping onto my finger tightly.

"His name is Grayson Wayne DiLaurentis." I told them. It fit him perfectly. I wasn't sure of how I was going to name him at first. When I thought about it, I wanted him to have something of the other two families he came from. I knew he would only ever have me growing up, and I wanted him to have something from each of his family he came from. So, I decided to reflect that in his name. I never want to hide anything from my son. He would never grow up on lies like Spencer, Jason, and I did. It was obvious, he would have my last name. Grayson, for the sperm donor. I would forever be grateful to him. I thought about how much my son resembled Emily, and Emily looked like her father. So, Wayne was the name I chose. I could only hope that Emily would be okay with me giving my son, her father's name.

"Beautiful name." Veronica said. Aria and Spencer nodded in agreement. Spencer knew exactly how I came up with his name.

"Little Sonny." Jason declared him. The room was silent for a few minutes, and I could feel myself dozing off. Veronica took him from my arms, and encouraged me to get some rest.

"We'll look after him while you sleep." She said. I just nodded. I much too tired to argue. As I fell asleep I heard Jason and Spencer talking.

"Hey Spencer?" He said. My eyes didn't have to be open, I could hear the smirk on his face.

"Yeah."

"You owe me fifty bucks."

 **Emily's POV** __ _Four Days Ago_

Things were finally dying down for me. It was finals week and there was no swim practice. Practices wouldn't start again until after the new year. A week before the spring semester started. My coaching position at California State University of Bakersfield, was heaven sent. Being near the pool was the best therapy for me after leaving Rosewood. Although I couldn't swim competitively anymore, it felt good coaching others. I excelled at my job. Since I was training for the Olympics and scholarships before my accident, I knew different ways to prepare my team for swim meets.

My job was to train the girls individually. I directed them on their weaknesses and taught them how to prefect their strengths. During practice I would watch, and pull one to the side and coach them individually. The Head Coach, Dana Taylor didn't like to stop practice to coach one girl. I helped decide which girls would compete in the meets and how to best prepare them. When I wasn't coaching, I was bartending. It helped to listen to other people drone on about their own problems. All in all, I was healing. Well, as much as I could.

I thought about Alison every day. One of the patrons at the bar I work at confided in me about an abortion she had recently. The father was an addict, and she wasn't in any position to have a child at that point. She lived in a rundown apartment, and worked as a waitress in a diner. Her life was a mess, and she didn't want to involve a child in it. As she told me everything. She told me how she went alone to the clinic. She told me how empty she felt after it was done. She regretted her decision every day. She told me that she couldn't stop imagining what her child would have looked like. She couldn't stop thinking of the different ways she could have made it work. She cried often, as she was left with nothing but her pain.

Did Alison feel like that? I wasn't sure, and I was too much of a coward to pick up the phone and call her. I thought about the baby sometimes. I wondered about a child that was the perfect mix of me and Alison. I wondered about what kind of mother Alison would be. What kind of mother would I be. I wasn't sure if I regretted agreeing with Alison, to terminate the pregnancy. Sometimes I did, and then in other times I didn't. I wanted kids someday, but not like that. Not after the way A violated Alison and me. I wasn't in a financial nor emotional position to take care of a baby. And after everything Alison was put through, I don't think she was emotionally or mentally ready either. I always tried to make myself stop thinking of the past, and what ifs. But at night when I couldn't sleep, my mind would go racing.

I returned to my apartment late that evening. I dropped a couple of the girls off at the airport after their finals. At least half of the team were from out of state. I didn't know what I was going to do for the next three and a half weeks. Everyone was out for winter break. Maybe I would go home and see my mom. I could, but then I would run the risk of running into Alison. But maybe it was time that I faced the music.

I plopped down on the couch right as my phone started ringing. The ringtone dial that was chiming, was the one designated for my mom. I answered.

"Hey mom." I greeted. My mom and I talked on the phone at least once a week. We talked for a while. I told her about the week. She asked about the team and my thoughts on the spring season. I asked her about her week. She traveled a lot now that she was retired. She decided to retire early after my dad died. She had been a wife and a mother for so long, she wanted to get out and experience being Pam.

Right before we were about to hang up, she gasped into the phone. "Oh honey! Why didn't you tell me that Alison was pregnant?" Everything stopped in that moment, including my heart. My lungs felt like they were being squeezed, and my stomach twisted into knots. I felt as if I was going to vomit. I forced myself to breathe. I had a lot of experience with panic attacks after the doll house.

"W-w-what?" I stuttered into the phone.

"Yeah, I saw her yesterday, but I don't think she saw me. She looked like she's due any day now." I could feel my breathing becoming labored. My heart was pounding in my chest.

"I-I didn't know." I said. "Look mom, I'm gonna hafta call you back." I almost hung up then, but I knew if I did that she would only blow up my phone until I answered.

"Okay." I could hear the confusion in her voice. "Well, I love you."

"Yeah, me too." I said hurriedly. As soon as I was off the phone. I couldn't stop myself from crying. Horrible sobs ripped through my body, and I was powerless to stop them. I sank down off the couch, onto the floor and hugged my knees to my chest, and just cried.

 **Alison's POV** _Present Time_

It was late at night or early in the morning, I wasn't sure. Everyone had gone home a while ago. It took some time but I convinced Spencer to go home and sleep in her own bed. She had been with me for a little over twenty-four hours, so I knew she needed a goodnights' rest, and that wouldn't happen on a crappy hospital cot. My gaze immediately wondered over hospital bassinet that held my son. My heart jumped into my throat when I saw the figure standing over my son. As my eyes adjusted, I recognized to person standing there. I calmed a bit, but my heart was thundering in my chest.

"Emily?" I whispered out her name, but she still heard me. She turned to look at me. Her eyes were red and her face was devoid of any make up. I still thought she was beautiful.

The corner of her mouth lifted into a small sad smile. "Hey."

 **So I have in mind how I want the story to play out, but as I am writing I keep getting new ideas, and thinking of different ways to do things. The main thing is that I wanted my story to be different. Yes, Emily is back but don't expect Emily and Alison to jump into a relationship with each other. I want this story to have as much reality in it as possible, because life isn't a fairytale. And things are not always easy. Babies are a big deal and I plan to treat this situation that way. I did a lot of editing for this chapter so I hope you enjoyed.**

 **Please tell me what you think of this chapter and the baby's name. As always Please Review.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer I do not own Pretty Little Liars. I promise to try and update one a week, but I had an important exam this week I had to study hard for.**

 **Emily's POV**

I wasn't sure how to feel about Alison and the baby when I found out that she kept it. _Him._ I had run through every possible scenario of what would happen when I finally talked to Alison. I had got off the plane and drove straight to Alison's house. I hadn't decided what I was going to say when I saw her. I mostly just wanted to see her to find out if it was true.

I knocked on the door a few times, but they went unanswered. As I lifted my hand to knock (bang) on the door, someone called out to me. It was an elderly woman out walking her dog. She had been excited to share the joyous news. Alison had gone into labor and was in the hospital. For the second time that week, I felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach. I nodded and thanked her. She continued on her way, and I made my way to the hospital.

When I parked my car, I saw Toby and Spencer walking in the parking lot. I watched as they stood and talked for a while, before parting in different directions. Spencer looked exhausted, but she still wore a small grin. Toby looked much happier than the last time I saw him. He didn't look weighed down by grief. They looked good. But seeing them made me realize how real everything was. Alison really was pregnant. There really was a baby.

I sat in the car for over an hour after coming to that realization. I could feel my lungs starting to close in again. But now was not the time. I forced myself to take in a deep breath, and got out of the car. My nerves continued to build with every step I took towards the hospital. The doors were automatic and opened the moment I stepped in range of them.

It was bright inside. It was a maternity ward, so it didn't feel like death the moment I stepped in. There were a few families spread out in the waiting room. Some people were pacing up and down the hallways. Some people sat tensely in chairs with one leg bouncing in place. The atmosphere was completely different from the other times I had been to a hospital.

"Hi, can I help you?" A cheery voice called out to me. My head turned towards the voice. There was a nurse leaning up against the reception desk, presumably talking to the receptionist. I squared my shoulders and walked towards them.

"Yeah, I'm looking for Alison DiLaurentis." I said. I was happily surprised with how steady my voice came out. The nurse turned to the lady behind the desk, who was typing into her computer. Her eyes brightened up when she found what she was looking for.

"She's on the third floor in room 36." She said smiling brightly at me. I forced a smile back and made my way to the elevators. Finding her room wasn't difficult. The three meant the third floor. Odd numbers were on one side of the hallway and even numbers on the other. What was difficult was seeing her again. The door was left ajar. I pushed it open a bit further and slipped inside.

Simply being in her presence eased all of my worries and anxiety away. They were temporarily forgotten. It seemed as if time only made her more beautiful. She was sleeping, her hair was thrown into a bun without care, and her chest rose and fell with each breath. I missed her. I tried not to, but I did. My feet carried me closer to her bedside without my permission. She looked younger when she was asleep. The last time I saw her, she had been stressed and sad. Heartbroken may be a better word. Now that I think back on it, maybe I was the one who broke it. But I was too wrapped up in myself. I know that now. I had only been thinking of what A did to me, and getting as far away as possible. I hadn't been thinking about her.

Usually I was always thinking of her. If I had only been thinking off her that day we talked, maybe I would have read her eyes instead of listening to her words. I will forever be sorry for that. I know I should have called. I should have stayed to make sure she was alright. But I didn't. And she didn't ask me to. She didn't call me either. She should have called me.

Alison adjusted her body into a more comfortable position, though she remained asleep. A lock of her wavy blonde hair fell into her face. I reached my hand out to move away the hair that obscured her face when I heard it. A deep breath intake and a soft sigh that followed. My eyes moved over to the other side of the bed, and I saw him. Air caught in my throat, and I dropped my hand back to my side. Without breaking my gaze from the tiny human, I wondered over to the bassinet.

I stared down at him unblinkingly. There was only one word I could think of to describe this child. Beautiful. He was dressed in a onesie that read "mama's boy". He laid on top of a yellow blanket. There was something spelled out on it, but it wasn't important to me. He was. I had never seen anyone so small. He laid on his back and made no movement except with his chest, that showed he was breathing. My eyes greedily took in every aspect of him. His chin, his cheeks, his nose, his eyelids, his hair… He was perfect.

I had only looked at him, and I was already in love with him. I don't understand myself. All the reasons that I had for not wanting him, for not wanting to be here, were suddenly minuscule. I don't know how I could have ever thought of this child as an extension of A. He wasn't. I didn't feel burdened by his existence as I had only minutes ago, when I was sitting in the parking lot. This little human being wasn't out to hurt me, or hinder me. He was the epitome of innocence, and I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure he stayed that way. The world was harsh and out to hurt him. I want to protect him from that.

I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard my name, "Emily?"

 _(continue from last chapter)_

 **Alison's POV**

The silence in the room was deafening, but neither of us made a move to break it. I knew that I would have to face Emily one day. After all we had been through, there was no way we could go without running into one another sometime. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. She looked like she did the last time I saw her. Exhausted and worn out.

She moved to sit in the chair Spencer had occupied earlier that day. I could hear Grayson breathing softly in the bassinet while he slept. My breasts were starting to feel uncomfortable, so I knew he would wake soon to be fed.

"What are you doing here Emily?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I was happy to see her or not, but I did know that I was angry with her.

"I stopped by your house, but no one was there. Your neighbor told me you were here. That you went into labor yesterday." She said. I sighed. I adjusted the bed a bit so that I could sit up. It was uncomfortable trying to move. I struggled to adjust the pillows behind me. Emily moved to help me sit up. I sucked in a quick breath the moment her hand came in contact with the back of my bare shoulder. Either Emily didn't notice, or thought I was just uncomfortable. Once the pillows were where I wanted them, she took a step back. She stood there for a second. She studied my face looking for any signs of discomfort. When she was satisfied she sat back down into the chair.

"Why are you here?" I asked again. She had no right to reappear in my life like this.

"I wanted to see you. To see how you were." Her voice was soft and her eyes kept flickering over to the bassinet and then down at her hands.

I scoffed. "You've had months to do that Emily." I said. I wanted to yell, but I had to be mindful of Grayson.

"Alison- ", she started.

"I haven't heard from you in months." I said, cutting her off. I wanted to scream and yell at her. But I was also relieved to see her. At least now I knew for sure that she was okay.

Emily didn't say anything for a while. "I know Ali but - ", I didn't want to hear anything else.

"I need you to leave." I said. Emily looked at me as if I physically struck her. She started to protest, but I didn't hear any of it. "I can't see you right now Emily. I can't deal with this right now. You can't just pop up like this and expect me to be okay with it. I didn't expect to see you anytime soon, and I need some time to process the fact that you're here. But I can't do that with you here. I can't think with you here Emily." She looked upset.

"When can we talk Alison?" She asked frustrated. "I may have been gone for a while, but" she gave an exaggerated glance over at Grayson, "we obviously have a lot to talk about." She was right about that.

"And we will Emily, but right now is not a good time. I just spent hours in labor and I'm exhausted. I just don't want to do this right now." She moved to say something else, but I interrupted again. "I promise I will call you soon, so that we can talk. I just can't do that now." I whispered.

Her eyes were burning with fire and her jaw was clenched together tight. "Fine." She said. "You'll call me soon?" It came out like a question, but her tone conveyed it almost as a command. I nodded my head, and she sighed in defeat. "Alright." She stood up and shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans. Her eyes glanced one more time at Grayson. I couldn't read her expression, before she suddenly turned and walked out the door.

I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding. I laid there staring at the ceiling for a few minutes trying to calm my erratic heart, when I heard Grayson moving around in his bed. Soon after, the room filled with his frustrated whines. I ignored the discomfort I felt and reached over to roll his bassinet closer to me. As I reached down to pick him up, his eyes flashed open.

"Hey there Sonny." I cooed down at him. I cradled him gently in my arms. I still found it amazing that he was here. I couldn't get over how perfect he was. His cries quieted as his face turned towards my chest. His mouth was open wide and searching for one of my breast. I let down the side of my gown to expose one breast. The moment it was free he latched on. One of his small fist rested on the top of my breast that he suckled from hungrily. While he ate I traced my fingers over is soft baby face, and ran my fingers through his curls. Having Emily's face fresh in my mind, it really struck me just how much Grayson resembled her. After that thought, I forced myself to push Emily to the back of my mind, and let my son consume my thoughts. Just him.

 **I wasn't going to end it here originally but the events I planned for the ending of this chapter would've been cut short. I didn't plan on Emily's POV being that long, but doing anything less would have been a disservice. We've had a lot from Alison's side, I thought insight into Emily's feelings were important here. I tried to show that Emily is not the "bad guy" in this story. This is just life and the situation with A is a total mind fuck. I don't know if I did a good job of conveying it but there isn't really a victim here, and the only bad guy in this story is A. I know in most fanfiction stories either Alison or Emily are wrong but I don't really want that to be the case here.**

 **It's not like Emily knocked up Alison and split. Someone did this to them with malicious intent. I don't want anyone to be upset with Emily for her choices, when Alison also wanted an abortion when she thought it was Elliot's. The way I think of it is Emily decided to take care of herself and we'll get more into that in the next chapter. The only thing Emily is wrong for, is not checking in on Alison. And Alison should have informed Emily of her decision. Like I said I want this to have some reality in it. And in the real world no one is perfect and there are two sides to every story.**

 **As always please review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer I do not own Pretty Little Liars.**

 **Emily's POV**

Sleep was no friend of mine that night, or that morning. After leaving the hospital, I let myself into my mother's house. She was asleep when I got here, but I went into her room to kiss her cheek and let her know that I was home. After leaving her room, I made my way into my room. Everything looked the same. I knew my mom rarely came in here. I threw on the lights and went back downstairs to retrieve my bags. I took my time changing into some sweats and an old sharks T- shirt. I threw myself onto my bed and closed my eyes. I didn't matter how exhausted I felt. Sleep declared itself my enemy. It had allied with my mind, in keeping me awake. I blinked my eyes open and stared up at the ceiling. Alison's words replayed in my head on a loop. I wasn't sure what to think. Did she really not want me here? She seemed completely off guard by my presence.

But now she knows how I felt. She should have been the one to call me months ago. She had no right to keep this from me. As I continued to think on my short confrontation with Alison, the more a certain burning in the pit of my stomach continued to build. Why didn't she tell me? Did she really think that she could hide something like this from me forever? I know that it was my responsibility to check in on her. I should have made sure she was okay. If only I had called her. Thing is she didn't call me either. She decided to have a baby with half of my DNA, and didn't think to inform me about it.

I should have been the first person she told, when she changed her mind.

But I also felt elated as my son drifted back into my thoughts. Was he my son? Am I allowed to think of him that way? It felt uncomfortable to think of him as my son. I really thought this kind of thing only happened to irresponsible guys. The whole becoming a parent overnight. I was also relieved to know he was here. In the past months, I had thought that Alison had an abortion. Finding out she didn't, released me from the guilt of condemning a child before birth. Though I could say without a doubt that I love him. Meeting him had changed everything for me.

I didn't know how to respond to the news that A had hijacked my donor eggs and impregnated Alison. It felt like A had succeeded in ruining my life. So, I spent my last few weeks in Rosewood mostly drunk. I felt horrible that someone would force this situation on Alison. I thought of it as a parasite A was using to suck all the happiness out of our lives. Something forced on Alison by medical rape. I had tried to imagine a child. One that I could love. The only thing I could think of was a child completely insane like Charlotte and Alex. I could only imagine a miniature of A. I knew how Alison felt when she thought the baby was Dunhill's. How would she feel about a child that she had no input in making? At least with Archer, it would have just been an accident on their part. But then it turned into something that was forced on her, without her consent.

I also had the irrational fear that she would be angry with me. If I hadn't gotten myself into a situation, where I needed to donate eggs for money, none of this would have happened. I just wanted to move past everything and leave A behind me. Leave all of A's games in the past. A had taken so much from me. Including my dream of the Olympics. They took my chance at a normal high school experience. A was the cause of the rift between my parents and me. A had made things difficult for them too. It was time for A to release their hold on me. I decided that A couldn't have any part of me anymore. And I succeeded, they didn't. Alison did.

Metaphorically, Alison had always had a part of me. Now, she simply had a physical part of me too. I couldn't help the upward twitch of the corner of my mouth, when I thought of him. He was nothing like I had first imagined he would be. There was nothing wicked or evil about him. He was perfect in every way possible. I felt terrible for ever _not_ wanting him. But was I ready to be a parent? I don't know, but I want to try. I can't imagine going back to California, and pretending life was perfect and everything is okay. I can't do that. Not after seeing him.

Being near him exposed some part of me that I didn't even know existed. Like discovering a heart string that had laid dormant until the day I laid eyes on him. He brought it to life and started tugging on it. It was enclosed in his tiny fist and I was powerless against him. He did that, and I haven't even seen his eyes yet.

I could hear my mom moving around the kitchen. I sighed and got up. I wasn't sleeping, so I may as well join her. The different range of emotions that passed over me without my consent, were doing nothing but build up my anxiety. Anger, relief, sadness, happiness, anxiety, stress, fear. Fear was the emotion I had the most experience with, but not like this.

"Hey. I didn't wake you, did I?" My mom was already up and dressed. Light makeup covered her face, although it wasn't obvious. She was wearing jeans and a soft green sweater. It made her eyes stand out. Once thing about my mom, when she smiled, she smiled with her eyes too. So, when she finally got a good look at me, both her smile and her eyes diminished. I could feel her scrutinizing me for a few seconds. "What's wrong." She asked.

I forced a smile, but it didn't fool her. I didn't bother answering. I walked across the kitchen, wrapped my arms around her, and buried my face in her neck. Her arms immediately wrapped around me. "Emily." She called out. I could hear the worry seeping through her voice. I didn't respond. I unburied my face from her neck and turned the opposite way before laying my head back onto her shoulder. Her hand came up to run her fingers through my hair. "Emily." She tried again, but I continued to stare down at the countertops. She didn't try again, she just held onto me. And I knew she wouldn't let go unless I did first.

I don't know how long we stood there, but the knock on the door broke us apart. I took a deep breath and look down at her. The worry lines on her forehead were prominent. I didn't realize I was crying before she reached up to wipe away the tears.

"Talk to me Emily. What's going on?" She pleaded. In that moment, I opened my mouth to tell her everything, but someone knocked on the door again. I promptly shut my mouth. She studied me, and made no move to open the door. The person knocked again more insistently than the last time. "We'll talk soon." She said, and made her way to the door.

While she went to open the door, I moved to sit down at the table. I brought my hands up to my face and breathed deeply. When I exhaled, and let my hands drop from my face, both My mom and Spencer were standing in front of me.

The Spencer that stood in front of me was a far cry from the Spencer I saw in the parking lot last night. She was tense. She tried to disguise her face as neutral, and luckily, I don't think my mom could tell anything was wrong. But I could. Spencer was fuming. I sighed internally. I can only imagine what a shit storm this was going to bring.

Neither of us said a word, but that must have been enough for my mom. "I'm going to run out and get some doughnuts. Can I bring you guys back anything?" She asked.

"No, thanks Mrs. Fields, but I won't be here long." Spencer said. Her smile at my mom almost had me convinced. My mom nodded at her and turned to me. I gently shook my head.

"Alright then, I guess I'll leave you two to talk. I'll be back soon." She said. She smiled tightly at Spencer and then looked at me. "Emily." She said simply, but I knew what she meant by her tone. We would be speaking when she got back. I nodded back at her. She gave a quick nod to be and moved to grab her keys and purse off the table. She came around to where I was sitting and laid a kiss on my forehead. As she walked passed Spencer, her hand reached out to squeeze her shoulder. Seconds later, we heard the door shut behind her.

We stared at each other until we heard my mother's car drive off. Spencer crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me. "What are you doing here Emily?" She asked. Demanded.

I scoffed. "Well this is my mother's house." I replied sarcastically.

"Cut the crap Em. You know that's not what I meant." She said. "You have been M.I.A. for months. And then you just show up at the hospital last night out of nowhere."

"I don't know Spence. Maybe I found out that there a child out there that was mine, and needed to see it for myself." I said. I threw myself back in my chair.

Spencer leaned forward and place both of her hands on the table. If looks could kill. " _You_ don't have a kid Emily. You chose that when you left. You just up an abandoned Alison when she needed you." Ouch. "You're not needed here Emily."

I scoffed. "No." I stated simply. "You don't get to try and lecture me. You don't get to try and pin me as some deadbeat parent. I didn't sleep with Alison and get her pregnant, and then decide to leave her with the consequences." I could feel my face burning in anger. "I was under the impression that an abortion was something that Alison and I _both_ agreed on." Now it was her turn to scoff. "She asked me what I wanted to do, and I told her. She never refuted anything I said, and she never said anything about keeping the baby."

"Did she really need to Emily?" Spencer yelled. "If you had just paid attention, it was written all over her face." She ran her hand through her hair. "Maybe if you hadn't been so caught up in yourself, you would have noticed."

I leaned forward on the table, with my hands clasped together. "What would you have done?" I asked. She looked confused by that.

"What?"

I shrugged my shoulders and asked her again. "What would you have done?" I waited. "If Alex Drake had done something like this to you." I clarified. "What if she had hijacked Toby's sperm and used it to impregnate you. Without your consent, I may add." She rolled her eyes and looked away. "No seriously. What if she knocked you out with drugs, and you found out your pregnant. You weren't working. You were back in your parents' barn. You were planning to go to law school, and dealing with A on top of that. Toby was getting ready to start his life with Yvonne, and then lost her. Do you really think he would have been ready for something like that? Would you have been?" I could see the defeat written on her face. "Please Spencer. Tell me. What. Would. You. Have. Done?"

She had no right to try and crucify me. She had no idea. It wasn't her A had played this part of the game with.

"I don't know." She said. Her voice was considerably quieter. "I'm sorry. You're right." She conceded. I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms. She took a seat in the chair across from me. "I had no right to judge you for your choices. This was a difficult situation. And I honestly don't know what I would have done. I'd like to think I could do what Alison did, but I'm not nearly as strong as her." She dragged her hand across her face. "That was actually why Toby and I broke up. We had a scare. While we were waiting for the test to be ready, I had already decided I wasn't going to keep it. And that was in a completely different situation. So, I'm sorry."

I didn't even blink at her confession, just nodded. "Did she really not want me to know?" I asked. She looked up at me and shrugged.

"I don't know. We talk about a lot, but I never asked." She said. She let out a deep breath. "Maybe I should have. I just know she was determined to do this, and be the best mom she could. She would have done this alone if she had to. I just didn't want her to feel alone." I signed.

"She should have told me." I stated. I didn't hear Spencer agree or disagree.

"Would you have come back if she did?" She asked. My eyebrows scrunched together, and I frowned.

"I honestly don't know." I couldn't say yes or no. "I was in a completely different mind state then. I think I would have come back, out of obligation. I don't know if I would have been resentful or not. I don't know if I would have changed my mind after seeing the first sonogram, or hearing the heartbeat. Alison would have started to hate me, if I didn't. What if I couldn't love the baby? In the time I spent away, I have changed a lot. I was somewhat happy in California." I said.

She didn't look like she was upset with what I said. "Do you still feel like that?" She asked.

I shook my head furiously. "Oh God no." The corner of my lips twitched up as I thought back to the baby. "I couldn't be more in love. My whole world has flipped, but I don't hate it. I hate the situation, but even the small amount of time I spent with him was amazing." I said. She smiled softly at me. I smiled sadly back. "He is the very definition beautiful and pure." I finished. Spencer nodded in agreement. "What's his name?" I asked.

"Grayson." She said. "Though we've taken to calling him Sonny." Grayson, I thought. It suited him perfectly.

"I can't wait to meet him officially." Whenever Alison decided to call me.

It was as if Spencer read my mind. "Ali was just caught off guard. She doesn't know what to say to you, and just needs some time to get her thoughts together." I nodded. I figured that. "She doesn't plan to wait long, but just give her some space to get her mind together." It made me feel better to know that, but I didn't know how long I was willing to wait.

It was silent until I hear my mom's car pull into the drive way. Spencer stood, and moved to push in her chair. "I got to get back to the hospital. They're planning to let her go home either tonight or tomorrow morning." She said.

I nodded as the front door open. My mom walked into the room a second later, but paused and looked in between Spencer and I. "Is everything okay?" I nodded my head, and Spencer forced a smile onto her face.

"Everything's fine Mrs. Fields. Emily and I were just catching up." She stuffed her hands in her pockets. My mom looked at me, and I nodded in agreement. "Anyway, I have to get going." Spencer looked back at me. "I'll see you soon." I understood the promise she was giving me.

"Okay, I'll see you soon." I agreed. Spencer gave a short nod, and walked toward the door. My mom and I heard the door shut, and she set the donuts on the counter along with her keys and purse.

She pursed her lips and stared at me. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"Not really, and completely at the same time." Her face scrunched in confusion. "I think I'm ready to talk now mom."

 **I hope everything is flowing together okay. As I have said, my ideas keep pulling me in different directions, but the big picture is still the same. This is the longest chapter so far. I promise more Pam in the next chapter. I haven't decided what to do with Hanna yet. I don't know how she would fit in this story, or if at all. I may bring her in as some support for Emily, but Idk how yet.**

 **Reviews make me very happy. I promise I read each one. So as always Please Review.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Any mistakes you find are mine. Disclaimer I do not own Pretty Little Liars.**

 **Emily's POV**

The silence that surrounded us was deafening. My mom hadn't said a word. She sat in her chair and stared at the table top in front of her. It was amazing how she could still make me feel like a child without doing a thing. It was like bringing her a bad note from my grade school teacher. I sat there with my shoulders sagged. I kept waiting for her to start yelling at me, but she never did. Eventually she brought her hands to her face. I could hear her taking deep breaths. My apprehension of reaction increased.

"Mom?" At the sound of my unsteady voice her hands dropped back down to the table, and her eyes bored into mine. Her face was neutral and her eyes were unreadable to me. My mom was usually an open book, but right now her poker face was that of a professional.

She sighed. Her neutral expression melted away. Now she looked visibly upset. "God Emily." Her hand reached forward to grab her coffee. I was sure it was cold by now, but she took a sip from it anyway. "Why didn't you come to me?" She asked. "I thought we were passed this after everything happened with that Charles in high school." She said in exasperation. "Do you not trust me?"

"No, mom." I reached out to grab her hand in mine. "I swear that's not it."

She turned towards me wrapping my hand in both of hers. "Then please Emily, tell me what is it?" She pleaded. "I know that in the past I haven't had the best track record of being there when you needed me. Mainly things with Maya." My chest tightened at the mention of her name. My jaw locked and my whole body tensed. My mom noticed, and preceded to rub my hand in hers. I slowly relaxed again, but she didn't stop. "I just want to know why you felt like you could tell me about Pepperdine, or Alison's pregnancy. Did I scare you? Do you not trust me?" The tightness in her voice saddened me.

"No." I said quickly. "Yes." I sighed. "But not in the way you think." I tried to pull my hand away, but she held onto it tightly. "After dad died and I got kicked out of school, I didn't want to tell you. I know you would have done all you could to help me, but I didn't want help. I didn't care about being helped. I wasn't in a good place and I'm glad you didn't see me like that. And when I did get everything back on track and I realized how bad things had gotten, I just thought it would be better if you didn't know." She moved to speak, but I raised my voice a little to cut her off. "I was disappointed with me mom, I could only imagine what you would have felt. And you had enough going on. I didn't want you to have to be worried about me too. I wanted to get out of the hole on my own." I shrugged. "I was the one who dug it.

"As for Alison that was… is a very complicated situation." I said. "What was I supposed to tell you?" I asked. "I didn't think that there would be anything to tell you about. I thought we were just going to leave it in the past as one of A's more twisted games." I pulled my hand back again and this time she let me go. I clasped my hands together and kept my gaze on them. "But then you called and said you had seen her and she was pregnant. I didn't know how to feel about it. I was angry and then hurt, then sad, then bitter and betrayed. And then when I saw him, I felt nothing but relief and joy and excitement."

Mom sat there listening. "She wasn't happy to see me last night. Neither is Spencer for that matter. And I know things between us aren't great, but she really just going to hide this from me forever. Not tell me about him. How is that right Ma?" I asked. I could feel the bitterness seeping back in. "She asked me what I wanted to do, and I told her. She never said anything differently. And now she doesn't want me around when I didn't do anything wrong. She's being selfish." I seethed.

Mom pinched the bridge of nose and breathed out. "She's not being selfish Emily." She said. The pain of betrayal I felt must have shown on my face. "I'm always on your side." She stated firmly. "But it sounds to me that she is protecting both herself and her child."

"From me?" The venom in my tone was acidic.

"Emily." Her voice was calm. "You said you told her what you wanted and that you _thought_ that you were both in agreement." I nodded along. "Did she tell you what she wanted? Did you ask her what she wanted? Or did you just assume?" I opened my mouth to answer, but my voice was caught in my throat. I thought back to the conversation we had in her living room so long ago. No Alison never said anything against me, but I also didn't ask.

"She never said anything." I replied weakly.

"You just told her that you wanted her to have an abortion Emily. You told her of all the plans you had made, and you already had one foot out the door." She said. "What was she supposed to tell you? No. That she was keeping it and no matter what you had planned. How was she to tell you that, when you made it clear how you felt about the baby?" I could feel the guilt clawing itself back up and wrapping around my heart. "Alison is doing what she thinks is best for her and her child. Having someone around who thinks her child as parasite is not healthy environment to bring a child into." I could feel tear begin to well up again, but I was so tired of crying.

"I don't think that Ma." I said in a shaky voice.

"Anymore." She rebutted softly. It hurt to hear but I knew it was true. And then without my permission I was crying again. My mom was silent, but she reached out over the table to rub my arm.

"Are you angry with me?" I asked timidly. She sadly smiled, and shook her head. "What am I supposed to do now Ma? Please tell me what to do." I pleaded.

"Hindi ko magagawa iyon Emily." She reached up and wiped away my tears. "But crying isn't going to help."

We let the silence consume us again. My mom moved to poor herself another cup of coffee. She usually drank her coffee black, so it confused me when she added cream and sugar to the cup. As she walked back to the table, she carefully slid the cup over to me. I took it into both hands, letting the glass warm my hands.

"You know your father and I almost didn't marry." My eyes were wide with shock. She chuckled at my expression. "Everything was going really well and I was excited to become his wife. Then he decided he didn't want to go to school anymore. Wayne was really smart, but he hated school. He only went because your grandfather didn't give him a choice. But that's how it was for us. When your parents told you to do something, then that was that. But your dad had a hard time in college. He started failing all of his classes, he was arguing with your grandfather more, and finally I guess he was just fed up. He dropped out and never looked back. So, when he suddenly told me he was joining the army I was furious.

"As you know my mother was a navy wife, and it wasn't easy on her. My dad was very dedicated to what he did. Even when he was home, he was working. He put his family second to the navy, and I resented him for that. My mother raised four children by herself. She was always alone. I know she had us, but she was lonely in her marriage. I didn't want that kind of marriage. So, I broke things off with Wayne, but it wasn't any use. He was relentless in his pursuit of me, and I was so in love with him." She smiled, her mind was lost in the past.

"A few years after he enlisted things were fine. Things weren't easy, but we were good. Your dad was always stationed nearby, and we were engaged. The wedding was only a few months away when I found out I was pregnant with you. After that I was ready to call off the whole thing."

My brows creased in confusion. "Why?"

"Because I loved him enough to become a soldier's wife, but I didn't want to make you a soldier's child. I didn't want you to have to grow up without a father. Or I didn't want you to grow up and be put second by your father, like I was. Your dad talked me down, of course. He promised that he would be better than my father. He vowed that if he ever became neglectful or I thought he wasn't putting you first, all I had to do was say the word and he would give it all up.

"Things were good again. I quit my job, because I wanted to stay home with you. Your dad took us wherever he was stationed, and we came across Rosewood. I liked it and you were about to start school, so we stayed. I didn't want to drag you to different school every time he was stationed somewhere new. Wayne sat me down when we decided to stay here. He asked me if I wanted him to retire and settle here too. But I couldn't ask that of him. It was tough but he loved the army. It was like he finally fit somewhere.

"When we were no longer with him, the places he was sent were horrific at best. He started to change. We stopped talking like we used to. Then one day he was back. But my husband was left behind somewhere. He was a complete stranger. He put on a smile when you were around, and I hid most of his outbursts from you."

"What do you mean by outbursts?" I asked. I had only ever known one side of my father. He hadn't changed from the first memories I had of him, until the day he died.

"When you were six he came back in a terrible mental state. Whatever happened overseas haunted him. He would sometimes think he was back. He had a lot of nightmares, and he would get angry easily and break things. He broke the bowl you made in your kindergarten pottery class."

"Wait." I stopped her. "I think I remember that. You said that weren't paying attention and it fell on the floor." The memory was vague, but it was there.

"I was asking your dad to go see a therapist. It was the first thing he grabbed and smashed it on the floor. I tried my best to give him time, and just be there for him, but I drew the line when it came to you. I kicked him out for a long while. Almost a year." She gave me a pointed look.

"A year. How did I not know? You kicked him out over a bowl. I barely even remember the thing." I was so confused.

"It wasn't the bowl that pushed me over. I got a call from the school one day. You were sick and I had to go and pick you up early. Your dad must not have heard us come home. You were asleep in my arms, and I carried you inside. I climbed up the stairs and turned the corner to take you to your room, and there he was. The look in his eyes was of an insane man. He also had a loaded gun pointed at us." I felt nothing but sorrow for my dad as she continued to speak. "I called his name and it was like a switch flipped. I paralyzed with fear. He lowered the gun and I could see the war inside him, but he was not my main priority. You were. Are.

"I must have been holding you too tight, because you started to wake up and you were whimpering. I ran into my room, shut the door, and locked it. I could hear him crying in the hall, but I didn't care. The only thing I could think about was the fact he had a gun pointed at my baby. I hated him for that. When you finally went back to sleep, I backed a few bags for him and told him to leave." She sighed.

"How did I not know?" I puzzled.

"We told you that he had another job. He saw a therapist, and it was a slow process but he became my husband again. But I didn't care. When I looked at him all I saw was a gun pointed at you. We saw a marriage counselor, and I understood why he was the way he was. But I didn't care. I couldn't trust him, not with you." She leaned back wrapping her hands around herself.

"What changed?" I asked.

"I saw what it was doing to you. I wasn't letting him have any contact with you, because I was scared he would hurt you. But he wasn't hurting you, I was, by keeping you apart. He was better. His therapist told me so, and some of his army buddies too. So, I put aside my fear and let him come around. You were so happy to have him back. The fear eased a bit, but every time he returned home it would hit me with a vengeance."

It was strange to hear of my father in this light. "What did you do?"

"I trusted him. When he came home, I would watch him like a hawk. I was afraid to leave you alone with him. But once I saw that he was okay mentally, I would force myself to let it go of the fear and just trust him." She was silent for a moment, and I know she wasn't going to say anymore.

"Why did you choose to tell me this now?" I was confused. She smiled at me.

"I never wanted you to think of your father as anything other than a hero." I nodded. "From the moment I found out about you Emily, you have always been my first priority. Even when it came to your father. It doesn't matter how much I love him, you come first. I could never leave you in the hands of someone I didn't trust. I would have never raised you in an environment, where I thought you could be hurt physically or emotionally. I know it hurt when your dad had to leave, but you at least always knew you were loved. Do you understand where I'm going with this Emmy?" Thing in my mind started to piece together, but I stayed silent.

"As a mother, it is my job to protect you from harm, no matter where it comes from. Alison is a mother." She stated firmly. "Her first priority will always be her son. She will always seek to protect him from any harm. Including from you. Alison has never been selfish in any of her decisions. Everything she does or doesn't do, is done with her child in mind. If you want to be in this child's life, you need to show her that you can be trusted. Cause right now Emily, she doesn't trust you. Not with this. Not with her child. And I don't blame her." She finished.

 **I'm sorry it took so long to get this posted. I spent last weekend with my family on vacation, so I had to catch up on some school work. Another this is while I love reviews, I was second guessing myself a lot about how to proceed. I had to take some time and figure out the story that I want to write. I promise to try my best to stick to weekly updates.**

 **I used google translation for the Filipino line. I hope it translated well.**

 **As always please review.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Alison's POV**

Being back home was both nerve wracking and exciting. The nurses wouldn't be there to help guide me. I was on my own now. Spencer offered to stay with me for a few weeks, but I declined. I needed to be able to care for my son on my own.

It was amazing how much Sonny had changed in the last few days. In the four days since his birth, his features had enhanced. His skin had darkened a few tones, his cheeks had slimed a bit, but they were still chubby. He had lost a pound since his birth, but the nurse assured me it wasn't a problem. Since I had chosen to breast feed him, they predicted he would gain that pound back; and then some.

Moving around the house had been a bit difficult the first day, as I was still sore. I had to take the stairs slower than usual, especially when I had Grayson in my arms. I still had constant anxiety every time I move while carrying him. I heard of some parents dropping their children as infants with no lasting effects, but I didn't want to take that chance.

Grayson changed everything for me. After searching these las few years for someone to love and love me in return unconditionally, I had finally found it. And it came in the form of my son. I cared for nothing but his health and happiness. He was depending on me for everything. Everything I did for this day on, would have an effect on him. Every decision I made would affect him.

I looked down at the cell phone in lap. I had been toying with it for the past half hour while I watched Sonny sleep. Jason and Spencer had bought a bassinet that could convert into a playpen by removing the top bedding. It was easier to put him down when we were downstairs, then to take him upstairs to the nursery or my room.

I sighed and rubbed on my temples to soothe the headache that was forming. I told Emily I would call her when I was ready. Problem is I don't think I'll ever be ready to have the conversation she wants to have.

I was taken by complete surprise the day she showed up at the hospital. I wasn't expecting to hear from her anytime soon. Both she and Hanna had been MIA for months. And yet here she is. She showed up out of the blue making and started demanding things of me. Things she had no right to. But I still wanted to hear what she had to say.

I hit the home key and unlocked my phone. Emily's contact information was already there, simply waiting for me. I tapped on the call button and brought the phone up to my ear. The phone barely had a chance to ring before Emily picked up.

"Ali?" Her breathless voice sounded through the phone. I didn't respond. My voice caught in my throat and I didn't know what to say. "Are you there?" She asked. "Please talk to me."

I squeeze my eyes shut and willed my voice to work. "Hey."

"Hi." Neither of us spoke for a moment, letting the silence take us. Her voice sounded through the phone. "Is everything okay? Are you okay?" Her voice faded out in hesitation. "Is Grayson alright?" My eyes flickered up to him at the mention of his name.

"Yeah. Everything's fine. We're both okay." I could hear her relief. After a moment I said, "I'm watching him sleep right now."

"Yeah?" Her voice shook a bit.

"Yeah." I said.

"Does he sleep okay?" Her voice still trembled.

"As well as a newborn can." I laughed. "But he's a good baby. He's quiet. He only fusses when he's hungry." I learned a new thing about Grayson every day. Today I learned that he like the sound of Chris Stapleton's voice. It made him smile.

"You sound tired." She stated. "But happy."

"I am."

"Good."

I ran my hand through my hair. "Look Em, this isn't the Emily I was expecting to talk to." I admitted.

"What do you mean?" She asked with confusion.

"Spencer said she talked to you a few days ago. I guess I was expecting hostile Emily."

"Yeah well, my mom pointed out that hostile Emily was being selfish and unfair. So, I'm glad we didn't talk then." She said. "I don't wanna do this with you over the phone Alison."

"I know. I don't either." I breathed deeply. "When can you come over?" I asked.

"Now." She replied quickly.

"He's asleep right now. I don't want to wake him." I warned.

"I don't plan to argue with you Ali. I just want to talk."

I nodded my head. "Okay." I agreed.

"Okay? Alright, I'm on my way. I'll see you soon."

I didn't respond, just ended the call there.

I stood and walked over to where Sonny slept. He slept soundly. I wouldn't expect him to wake up for another hour. He would need to eat again and have his diaper changed. He slept on his back with his little hands in fists. One he had brought up to the back of his pacifier, which kept it from falling from his mouth. I brought my finger to caress his face. As he moved to lean into my touch, his pacifier fell from between his lips. His little lips moved as if he was still sucking on it. He grunted in frustration. His little lip jutted out, and wobbled. I quickly returned his prized possession, and moved my hand to rub his belly. He returned to his deep slumber seconds later.

My attention snapped to the coffee table, where my phone vibrated informing me of a new message. I glanced at him once more, before moving to retrieve my phone. It was a text from Emily.

 _I'm outside._

I tossed my phone and made my way to the door. I took a deep breath and then moved to unlock the door and pulled it open. As soon as my eyes set on Emily a sudden ease fell over me. It shouldn't have surprised me. It's been like this since we were 13.

The nervousness was rolling off her in waves. As our eyes met, she straitened her posture, and pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth.

She started to speak but her voice came out as a squeak. One of my eyebrows shot up. She blushed and cleared her throat. "I didn't want to ring the doorbell or knock too loud and wake him up." I nodded, and stepped to the side.

"Come in." I whispered. As she moved past me, I closed the door behind her and locked it. I moved to turn my attention to her, but she wasn't looking at me. She was frozen a few feet from the door, her gaze was fixed on the bassinet where Grayson lay. "Em." I called out.

She sucked in a breath in surprise. Her eyes flickered away from Grayson to me. I saw a flash of guilt in her eyes, before they moved to the floor. She rubbed her hands down her jeans. "Sorry."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "For what?" She didn't respond. Her eyes moved up to glance at Grayson again. I sighed and reached out to grab her arm. I gently lead her over to where I had been previously standing.

As we stood in front of him, he absorbed all of Emily's attention. And Emily had mine. I watched her face melt at the sight of him. All the tension drained from her body. Her hand moved out to touch him, but snatched it back immediately. Emily looked to me as if she expected me to reprimand her. "It's okay." I assured her. She nodded and slowly moved her hand out to touch him. She brushed her finger against his fist. He quickly opened his hand and grasped her finger in his tiny hand.

Emily gasped. Then a wide grin split her face. "He's so strong." I smiled in agreement. I moved to him carefully putting one hand under his head and the other under his butt, and slowly lifted him up. Emily softly pulled her finger from him. I brought closer to my chest and stepped closer to Emily so that we were almost touching.

"Here." I said guiding him towards her. Without hesitation Emily fixed her arms to better accommodate Grayson. I gently settled him into her arms. Emily tightened her arms around him, when he started to whine. "Hush love," I cooed at him while stroking his curls. He settled down easily but I kept running my fingers through his hair.

I was finally able to tear my eyes from him to glance at Emily. Her eyes were wide in amazement. There was no doubt in my mind that she was in love with him. Her eyes had always been so expressive before. When we were younger. It used to be so easy to read her, but that changed after I had returned from being on the run. She had put up so many walls and guards up against me, that reading her had become almost impossible. Almost. Her eyes had always given her away.

She looked at Grayson with such love and compassion. It reminded me of how she had once been. Before A, Emily didn't understand what hate was. It wasn't something she associated with. She had been so kind and loving to everyone she came across. Then after A, her love came with limits, and her kindness grew barriers. Her heart had hardened a bit overtime, but right now she was that same Emily I had met so many years ago.

"He's perfect Alison." She whispered. "So beautiful and so perfect." Her eyes stayed glued to him.

"I know." I replied in agreement.

"I want to be in his life Alison." My finger froze in Grayson's hair, and my eyes met hers. "Please." She pleaded. I turned my gaze back to my son and pulled my fingers from his curls.

"We should talk about this in the kitchen." I said.

"Okay," she nodded. "Just give me a few more minutes." She looked down on to Grayson. "I'm not ready to put him down just yet." So, we stood there, basking in my little boy's presence.

After a few moments, Emily leaned down to kiss his forehead and turned to lie him down. She let her finger caress his cheek the same way I had so many times in the past few days. She straightened to her full height and peered down at me. I glanced once more at my son and turned to the kitchen without a word. She would follow of course.

In the kitchen, I leaned against the counter, as she leaned back on the counter across from me. "Why now Em? What's changed?" I asked. "You made it abundantly clear that you weren't ready to be a parent."

She sighed. "I know."

"Then what's changed?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I saw him." She stated. "The night I showed up at the hospital, I didn't know what to think. Mostly, I just wanted to see if it was true. If you kept him. He had just been an idea before nothing tangible. Nothing real. And then I saw him. And he was real. And he was nothing that I thought he would be. He wasn't out to get me or hurt me like A. He's just a baby. Innocent and pure. The moment I saw him he-",she paused. "He gripped onto my heart, and just took it.

"I know why you didn't tell me. It was my fault. I was selfish. I came here and asked you to do something you didn't want to do, because I am selfish." I could see her swallow and look down at her feet, before bringing her eyes back to mine. "I need to apologize to you for that day. I should have asked you what you wanted. I shouldn't have run off to California again. I should have stuck by your side and we should have made those decisions together. I am so sorry for not considering you and your feelings. And I can only hope that one day you can forgive me." She finished.

I didn't respond for a moment as I tried to gather my thought together. "How do I know you're not going to change your mind again?" I asked. "Do you understand what you're asking for? Being a parent isn't easy Em. How am I supposed to know that this if for real? That you won't change your mind. Do you know how hard this will be? Do you honestly thing you're ready to be a parent right now?" I asked.

"No, I'm not." She admitted. "I don't want to lie to you Alison. I don't know what to expect. I don't know how to be a parent. I don't know the first thing about kids. I'll admit. But I want to learn." She stepped closer to me. "I'm absolutely terrified. Being a parent means that I am going to be responsible for someone's life. Everything I do would have an effect on them, and if things don't turn out right, it will be my fault.

"But the other option is not possible for me. Not being there is not an option. I can swear to you that I will not change my mind. I can't promise that I won't mess up, or that I won't do something wrong. But I can promise that I will not abandon him, or you ever again." The intensity in which she stared at me nearly knocked me off balance.

"I want to say no." I watched her face crumple. "But I only want to say no out of spite." I continued. "I'm so angry with you for leaving in the first place Emily." My eyes started to burn with unshed tears. "It hurt me not having you here. I almost had an abortion for you Emily." The word abortion reminded me of the putrid taste of the pill. "I almost didn't have Sonny, because of what you wanted. I want to hate you for that," I wiped at my cheeks, "but I can't.

"I wanted you here so bad. Every time I felt him move. Every time I woke up in the middle of the night, because he was too active, all I wanted to do was talk to you. I wanted you there to hold my hand at every appointment, but you weren't there. All I wanted was for you to tell me that it was okay, and that I could count on you. But that's not what you did. And I want to tell you no. I want to tell you that I don't need you. That we need you. But I can't do that, because this isn't about me. This is about Grayson. And he does need you.

"I don't want to be the one that kept him away from his family. I want him to have as much family as possible. I want him to know that he is loved by so many people. I want him to have you, because a part of him is you. And I can't hate you, because he is half you." She took another step towards me. "When he gets older, I don't want to tell him that I'm the reason he doesn't know you. At least this way, if it doesn't work I can tell him I tried."

Emily kept coming closer until she was standing in front of me. Her hands cupped my face, and she used her thumps to wipe away my tears. "You will never have to tell him you tried, because it will work. I am not going anywhere. I can never apologize enough for leaving you, but I am sorry."

I shook my head. "I can't let you break his heart." _Not like you broke mine_. She never let go of my face.

"I'm not. I get it. You don't trust me. It's going to take a while but you'll see." I took deep breaths to calm myself. I gently slipped out of her grasp and took a few steps away. I dragged my fingers beneath my bottom eyelids to clear away any lingering tears.

I cleared my throat once. "Okay then. Just know I'm doing this for Sonny. Because this is what he deserves. This isn't for you." I was doing this so my son could have the family, love, and support that I always wanted.

She nodded her head. Her gaze was piercing deep into mine. "Okay."

I found myself nodding too. "Okay good." It was silent as neither of us knew what to say.

"I brought a gift for him. Is it okay if I go get it?" She asked. Emily was truly uncertain if I would deny my son a gift from her or not.

I nodded my head. "Of course." She shot a small grin at me before rushing to the door. She made sure to close the door behind her as it was freezing outside. She returned seconds later with a small yellow teddy bear. I recognized it immediately.

"Ducky?" I asked. Her dad had given her that bear when she was three, before he left for one of his longer deployments. She named the bear Ducky because it was yellow like a rubber duck. "You've had that for years. Your dad gave it to you."

She nodded in agreement. "Yeah, but I have plenty of memories of my dad, but there aren't many things that I can give to Grayson of his. My mom gave a lot of it away." She explained. "My dad would have loved him. I want him to have something of him."

I understood. Wayne was the most important to Emily, and he still had a big presence even if he wasn't here physically.

"He already has something of his." Her brows scrunched in confusion. "He has his name. Grayson Wayne." I told her.

Her eyes watered. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

 **Sorry its been a while. It's getting closer to final exams so I'm busy. It took me a long time to figure out how to write this chapter. I didn't want it to be too rushed or add more drama than need be like most fics do. I still feel like there are some things I could add or revise, but it's 3 am and I'm exhausted. I know people are going to think Alison shouldn't let Emily back in, but these are my thoughts. Alison would never use Grayson as a way to hurt Emily. It really isn't about what she wants, it's about what is best for the kid. Alison isn't going to completely trust Emily for a while. But if Emily is willing to try so is she. This one is the longest chapter I have written so far.**

 **As always please review and tell me what you think.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Any mistakes you find are mine. Disclaimer I do not own Pretty Little Liars.**

 **Alison's POV**

"Do you think we should do pictures with Santa?" I asked. Growing up, every year my mom took my brother and I to take pictures with Santa. Well, until I turned 8 and insisted I was too old to believe in Santa, and refused to go.

Emily's eyebrows scrunched and she made a face. "No." She laid on the couch with Grayson cuddled to her chest. He was wide awake, but completely content in her arms. "I don't really like the idea of some old hairy guy holding our kid." Her eyes never left Grayson, and she continued to rub his back. I did have to agree with her there. Then she smirked. "Would you even let Santa hold Grayson?" She had me there. I was very possessive over my baby.

I sank down onto the love seat. "I just saw a few moms at the mall yesterday with newborn babies waiting to take pictures. I didn't know if it was something we should do too." I was trying to venture out the house more. I saw different mothers with their children all the time, and I couldn't help but compare myself to them and the things they did.

"Maybe when he's older. If that's what he wants." I nodded in agreement. "Thank you for including me in that decision." She said softly.

I nodded my head. "Of course." I said. "I'm trying."

Her eyes caught mine. "I know, so thank you."

Things had been a bit difficult this past week. I was trying my best to let Emily be his parent too. I was trying to use words like ours, instead of mine. I was trying to let Emily do things for Grayson and I, instead of doing it all myself. It was hard though. Some days I was glad she was there, and others I wanted to force her to leave. I had been prepared to do this by myself. I was trying to make decisions with her. Instead of telling her what I was going to do, I would tell her what I wanted to do and then ask for her opinion.

I didn't want to share my son with anybody. I wanted him all to myself. I didn't want to put my hurt and anger to the side. I wanted to hurt her just as much as she hurt me. I wanted to limit the time she could spend with Grayson, because I knew that would hurt her the most. I also knew that she would let me. She was scared I would cut off all contact between her and Grayson completely. So, she would take whatever I give her. But, I already agreed to her role in his life, and I needed to let her take up that role.

Things had been tense until our fight last week. When Grayson reached two weeks old, I had taken him to the doctors' office for his check up and to be circumcised. I didn't tell Emily of the appointment. When she was over later that day and moved to change his diaper, she had completely flipped shit. She was angry that I didn't tell her about the appointment. We argued for twenty minutes, before I told her that I didn't need to inform her of anything. Grayson is my son. I knew exactly what button to push, and she stormed out.

She was gone for an hour before she returned.

"Look Alison, I know I messed up, but I don't want to do this back and forth with you. Either your gonna let me do this or not. I don't want to have to walk around eggshells with you. I don't want to keep living in fear that one day your gonna take him away from me, because you don't agree with my opinion. Or because I don't agree with yours. I want to be involved with everything. Even the small decisions, but especially the big ones."

I sighed. "I know and I'm sorry. I promise I'm trying."

"Please don't apologize to me. You don't ever need to say sorry to me. Not ever." I nodded. She released a breath. "Okay. So, what made you decide to circumcise him?" She asked, and from that day we agreed on an open-door policy. She could come over whenever she wanted, and had a key to my house. The open-door policy wasn't just allowing her to come over at any time, it was also an agreement that we would be honest with each other. If we had something to say, we were to say it. I was going to try not to hold the past over her head, and she wasn't going to tip toe around me. The past was done, and we didn't have time to keep looking back. We were here now.

We had a routine going and it seemed to work well. She would come over sometime in the morning and look after Grayson. She always brought coffee with her. The first morning she came over and saw me with caffeinated coffee, she was on the fence about it.

"Is caffeine okay? You know, since your breast feeding." She asked warily. I nodded my head.

"The doctor said it was fine. As long as I don't become a Spencer drinker." I joked. She forced a smile at me, but didn't say anything else. The next morning, she got there earlier, before I made my coffee. She stopped by the brew and had brought coffee for me with her. She had already added enough cream and sugar, exactly the way I liked it.

I knew what she had done from the first sip. Decaf. I didn't say anything just schooled my features and smiled at her. "Thank you." I said. I could see relief fill her. Did she honestly think I didn't notice? I turned away from her and rolled my eyes. I laughed silently into my coffee, but continued to drink it.

While I drank coffee, Emily would move about the house. She would clean up any bottles or dirty clothes I had left about during the night. She would empty the trash in my room that was usually filled with diapers. She would wash any dishes in the sink, which was usually just bottles, and start Grayson's laundry if the hamper was starting to look full.

It was amazing the amount of diapers and clothes babies went through. While I preferred to feed him straight from my breast, we thought it best to get him familiar with bottles now. So, Emily would feed him from the bottle during the day, and I would use the pump as needed. There was some frozen milk in Pam's freezer, for when Emily took Grayson over there. She usually stayed here with him, but when he had a particularly bad night, Emily would take him to her house. It made it easier to sleep, because I was so in tune with his cry. The moment I heard him I was awake and up. It had been uncomfortable the first time she took him, but Pam had been great in reassuring me.

Pam was completely in love with her grandson. Which is another reason Emily preferred to stay here with him. When they were with Pam, Emily wasn't allowed to touch Grayson. Pam would take over and glare at Emily anytime she tried to take Grayson back. So, Emily would only go over if I really needed to sleep. I could admit that Emily helped a great deal. Even through my possessiveness and reluctance, I was glad Emily was there to help.

Spencer was over quite often, but was pretty busy helping around Veronica's law firm. The iciness between Spencer and Emily had gradually melted away, as they got back into the swing of their friendship. I knew Spencer wanted to hold out longer to show me that she was on my side, but they had been through too much together to hold on to anger for too long. Plus, I didn't want Spencer to ice out Emily for me. I wasn't going too, so neither should she. Jason had less to say about it. "I trust your judgement when it comes to Sonny." He told me. Really, I think he was just a bit more focused on whatever was happening between him and Aria.

Today was Christmas eve and there were still quite a few people I needed to shop for. I leaned down to put on my boots. "You're leaving?" Emily asked from the couch, as I zipped them up. Her eyes scanned over my attire. I was wearing dark jeans and a dark green knitted sweater. I had done my make up lightly, and was ready to leave.

I nodded my head. "Yeah, I need to do a little more shopping." Her facial expression was one of hesitance. "Why? Were you not planning to stay long today?" She usually stayed till evening, or late at night.

"I was going to meet with someone at 2, but was going to come back after that." My eyes narrowed. She had a fucking date planned. "I can take him with me, but I'm not sure about venturing out the house with him just yet. I don't want him to get sick or anything." She said nervously. I knew my glare was something fierce now. She wanted to take my son on a date with her, to meet one of her flings.

"You're planning to take my son with you on a date?" I hissed at her. Her eyes widened in surprise.

"What?" she exclaimed. "Who said anything about a date?" My anger dissipated, and my shoulders untensed.

"You said you were meeting someone." I argued. I had never seen her eyes roll so hard.

"Yeah, Hanna." I squinted and ticked my head to the side. No one had heard from Hanna since she moved from New York. She sighed at me. "She's in town to spend Christmas with her mom. She called me yesterday out of the blue, and asked to meet up." Emily explained. "She didn't want anyone else to know she was here."

"Why?" I asked. I knew that out of the group Hanna and Emily were closest similar to Aria and Spencer. Kind of made me wonder who I fit in with.

Emily grimaced. "I assume it has something to do with Caleb."

I wrinkled my nose. I still can't stand Caleb, not to say Hanna was my favorite person either. She still hated me for a lot of things that happened in high school. As for me, I still don't appreciate being thrown under that bus to save her ass.

"What's wrong with Caleb?" I wondered.

Her expression was one of pity. "It doesn't sound like he came with her." She said. "What married couple doesn't spend Christmas together without a good reason?" I shrugged. I honestly didn't care, but I was relieved to hear Emily wasn't going on a date. Though dating is a conversation we'll need to have in the future.

"I don't mind Em." She looked at me in confusion. "If you take him with you." I clarified. "I don't mind." I glanced to her chest where Grayson laid. One of Emily's fingers was gripped in his tiny fist, as he fought to bring it to his mouth. He needed to eat soon.

Emily must have been thinking the same. "I'll make him a bottle in a few minutes." She said. "Are you sure you don't mind?" She finally relented and let Grayson suck on her knuckle. Drool covered her finger in seconds.

"I mean the doctor said everything was fine with him, and we need to start getting comfortable with it." I stated. "You're not going to be sitting outside, are you?"

She shook her head. "No, we're meeting in the hotel." I nodded my head, and stood up. I reached down and lifted Sonny from her chest, and cuddled him to me.

"Mommy's gonna miss you." I cooed at him and laid kisses all over his face. Emily stood up and I placed him back in her arms. "You'll text me when you're on your way back right?" We both knew that wasn't a question.

"Of course." I grabbed my purse, keys, and phone off the coffee table and headed towards the door. Emily followed behind me. I turned and leaned down to kiss Grayson once more. When I stood back up I realized how close Emily and I were standing to each other. I tensed and my breath caught in my throat for a split second. I shook it off.

"I'll see you later." I said and turned to walk out the door.

 **Emily's POV**

I had gotten to the hotel on time, but I knew Hanna well enough to know she would be at least 10 minutes late. I ordered a hot chocolate while I waited. Grayson was slept soundly in his car seat/ stroller. After he drank a full bottle and spit up on me, he was out like a light. It was amazing how much he changed daily. His skin had darkened a few shades. His eyes had deepened into a deeper chocolate, they looked even more like mine. Some of his hair had fallen out, but thick black curls still sat atop his head. He grew more handsome every day. He even smiled now, revealing dimpled cheeks.

I also know that I was eternally grateful to Alison. That didn't mean thing were easy between us. I could see how reluctant she was to let me do things for Grayson. I knew she assumed it was only a matter of time before I decided things were too hard, and abandoned ship. That wasn't going to happen. She was tied to me for life now, as I was tied to her.

The only thing I could do was be patient. I would keep making myself available to our son and by extension her. I made sure she knew she wasn't alone by doing as much as I could around the house. I tried to carry as much of the load as she'd let me. We disagreed on many things, but we both agreed to try talking for a change.

Communication had always been a big problem between us. We had taken to just assuming, and you know what they say about assuming. There were still things that needed to be settled between us. It seemed as if our business together was always left unfinished. But, it was much too early to bring it up. So, everything was left waiting for when we were comfortable with one another again. I didn't mind waiting. It was silently agreed that we would only speak of Grayson.

I looked up and saw Hanna getting off the elevator. She had her blonde hair up in a messy bun. She wore skinny jeans, a baggy red Christmas sweater, and black heels. I watched her scan the hotel restaurant and I lifted my had to catch her gaze. As she headed towards me I could see her face was make up free. I stood up to hug her once she was within reach. When I went to remove my arms from around her, I felt her squeeze me tighter, so I held on a little longer.

When she finally pulled away, she tried to smile at me, but her eyes were watery. Concern filled me. "What's wrong?" I asked. She shook her head, and used her sleeve to whip at her eyes.

"Nothing." She tried to smile again. "I just missed you."

My eyebrows shot up, and I scoffed. "Yeah, okay." Sarcasm dripped from my voice.

She sighed. "Can I at least order a drink first?" I went to answer her when Grayson started to fuss in his stroller. My eyes went to him, searching to find what was wrong. Hanna damn near jumped out of her skin. His pacifier had fallen out, and he wanted it back. I grabbed it from where it fell in between him and his seat, and popped it back in his mouth. His face soothed back into peacefulness, and he relaxed back into sleep.

"Aww he's adorable." Hanna cooed. "Who is this?" She asked.

I smiled. "His name is Grayson." I said. "He's my son."

The smile fell off her face, and she blinked once before her eyes widened. She stared at me. "He's what?"

 **I know some of you were wondering about Hanna, but I finally found a way to introduce her to the story. I've always thought that Alison and Hanna were never really friends. They just shared the same group of friends. I think they just clash and butt heads too much. I apologize for the long wait, but I had had an exhausting month. Now that school is out I will try to post more often. I work at a mall so it's amazing what hoops parents jump through to get there kid a picture with Santa, no matter how much they scream and cry.**

 **Please tell me what you think of the chapter. I hope everything is flowing well together. Review.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer I do not own Pretty Little Liars and any mistakes are mine**

 **Emily's POV**

As it turned out, Hanna and Caleb were experiencing the same problems they had before. Hanna was trying to build a career and Caleb was feeling neglected. It didn't help that he kept bringing up kids, or that it was Mona who was always dragging Hanna away. She was always setting up meeting with potential investors and clients. Everyone knew how much Caleb hated Mona, so the situation was made worse.

Hanna decided to come home to think, since Caleb was throwing out ultimatums. Her career, or him. He hadn't actually said those words, but his actions were loud and clear. She was in denial right now, but if Caleb didn't try to change himself, then they would be divorced in a year. I knew better than to say that out loud though.

Hanna and I spent an hour catching up. On the bright side her designs were starting to pick up some high-end clientele. Mona's connections were deeper than anyone had thought. Which was not really surprising. She told me about the up and coming Broadway artists and new recording artists that wore her designs and even a few of the younger politicians.

I told her about California and how I found out about Grayson. I told her about the slow accomplishments I was making with Alison. I talked about how hard things were because of Alison's lack of trust in me. It was amazing to talk to someone who didn't immediately frown at me. Hanna just listened without any judgment. I didn't realize how much I needed that.

"Things are gonna work out for you Emily." Hanna leaned back into her chair and gazed at me calmly.

I scoffed.

Hanna laughed. "I'm serious. You and Alison and Grayson. You are all going to be just fine in the end." She insisted. I fought back a smile at the thought. I would love things to work out, but would it work out into the picture I have in my head. I hoped so.

"A did a number on us. It's okay for you to be selfish sometimes Emily." I looked down at the table. "I mean think about it Em. You had what? Two years to enjoy life before it came back and knocked you on your ass again." Her voiced raised a little and my eyes flashed to Grayson to make sure he wasn't unsettled. He wasn't. "You finally thought you were going to get the chance to have fun and be free after high school." She paused. "You did for like a second, and then things went south with your dad…" she trailed off. "I get it Em. You needed breathing room."

I could feel my chest tightening and my eyes burning. Hanna had always understood me. She could put things into word that I couldn't. "You're the first person to actually listen. You don't think less of me. Not like the others do." I breathed deeply. "Thanks Hanna."

She reached across the table and laid her hand across mine. "I'm here for you Em." She sat back in her chair. "Plus, I think it's good you left for California. A took something from us. They made us into a shell of the people we used to be. New York helped me. Designing helped me. I actually feel like myself again." She clarified. "I don't know about Spencer and Aria, but I'm pretty sure slamming down people in a court room or besting politicians makes Spencer feel better. And Aria has her art. You needed California and swimming to become Emily Fields again." She sighed. "And Alison needed Grayson." She shrugged. "Think about it this way, Grayson and Alison deserved to have all of you Emily, not just bits and pieces. I think all of us know how damaging it is to only have pieces of a parent."

 _Christmas Day_

 **Alison's POV**

Christmas was held at Pam's house. She wanted to cook and have everyone over for dinner. It was a bit bizarre being with everyone again. Spencer, Aria, Hanna, Emily, and I. Jason, Toby, Veronica, and Ashley were there as well. Ella and Bryon had made and appearance before heading to the airport. They were taking a cruise around South America.

Grayson had been passed around to everyone for a short time. Pam, Veronica, Ashley, and Ella had monopolized him the most since he was the first baby born of our group. Ella handed him back to be when he started trying to gnaw at her breast. I kissed his cheek and made my way upstairs to Emily's room. He started fussing when I laid him down on Emily's bed. I quickly tried to reach for the zipper on the back of my red dress. Suddenly, hands were there pushing mine out of the way and pulling the zipper down halfway. I didn't acknowledge the fact that I already knew whose hands they were.

Grayson's cries became impatient. I pulled one arm out of the dress and uncovered the front of the nursing bra to release my breast. I sat down on the bed and turned my body to lean against the headboard, moving a few pillows around. Emily scooped Grayson into her arms and laid him in mine once I was comfortable. He greedily latched on.

I watched Emily fall ungracefully onto the foot of the bed. Her head turned towards me. She always watched me feed Grayson. She had told me once that watching me feed our son was a beautiful sight. She said that we both amazed her. We sat in silence listening to our friends and family laugh and talk down stairs. I looked down at Grayson. He was still eating furiously with one hand a top my breast possessively. It was amazing how much he could eat.

He fell asleep soon after, but I knew better than to move him. If I did, his eyes would snap open and he would continue to eat as if he hadn't before. Emily moved to take him once he was completely out. She sat up with Grayson on her chest and patted his back repeatedly drawing a few burps from his chest. I fixed my bra and dress back in place as Emily laid him down in a bassinet in the corner of the room. Between the two of us we had his routine down, though he like to throw a curve ball sometimes.

"Will you zip up my dress?" I asked Emily. She tore her eyes from our son and looked over at me. Her eyes smiled at me and she walked over as I turned my back to her. She carefully pulled the zipper up. I shivered involuntarily as her fingers brushed the skin that disappeared for sight as she zipped up my dress. Once it was done Emily did something that shocked me to my core. I stopped breathing altogether.

I could feel her soft lips caress the back of my bare shoulder and suddenly I was 14 again. In the locker room all those years ago. I could almost convince myself that I could change history in these next few moments. I felt like I could take back those harsh words I'd thrown at her and do now what I was too scared to do then. It would be so easy to turn around and pull her into a kiss. Emily would let me. She always let me. The feel of her lips on my shoulder had set my whole body on fire with desire.

The tips of her fingers brushed down my shoulders. They caressed by arms leaving the hairs standing, until her hands found their way home on my hips. The lingered softly there for a second before her grip became firm. My lungs finally caught up and let out a deep breath before they were left behind again as she took a step closer. I could feel the front of her body pressed against my back. Her hands that gripped my hips guided me back so that my ass was pushed up against the front of her jeans.

This was the effect Emily had on me. This was the effect that she had always had on me. She left me breathless, incoherent, and slick in certain places. I had been better at hiding it years ago. But I was completely different now. My mind and body had become different. I thought my hormones were bad then. It was nothing like how it was now. Especially after having a baby. Everything was uncontrollable to me. Which was why this needed to stop.

I stepped away from her embrace and turned to put one hand on her chest and fully extended my arm. My eyes were screwed shut as I tried to get myself under control. After taking a few deep breaths, I opened my eyes and letting my eyes catch her's. Her eyes were bridled with emotion. Lust, love, adoration, sorrow. I could always read her like a book.

"No." I whispered. "I can't go there with you." Her body straightened and she took a step back. I dropped my arm.

Emily nodded. "I get it." She said. "There's too much between us right now. You're not ready."

I scoffed. "You've only been back a few weeks Emily. Of course, I'm not ready." I yelled in a whisper, mindful of my sleeping son. "I don't trust you." I admitted. "I still feel like all of this is temporary."

"None of this is temporary Alison." She stepped closer again. "I know that I wasn't reliable before and that you need time, but Ali I'm willing to give you all the time in the world." She gazed intensely at me. "I don't mind waiting for you Alison DiLaurentis." She said softly. Sometimes it pissed me off how easily she could squeeze past the barriers I put up.

She moved away from me to her desk near Grayson's bassinet. She reached inside the drawer and pulled out a long jewelry box. She glanced back at me and took a deep breath before walking back towards me. I swallowed the lump in my throat as she nervously fiddled with the box. I focused on breathing in and out as she opened the box. It was a silver charm bracelet. Two charms were clasped onto the middle of it. One was a dark silver charm with the letter ' _G_ ' engraved in it. The second charm was a clear baby blue stone. I figured it was a topaz stone based on the first charm. Grayson's birth stone.

"I know you think I may leave you again. That I won't be there for Grayson, so I'm making you a promise." She took the bracelet out of the box and reached for my wrist. "I promise that I will be there for each milestone in our son's life. And every time he reaches one, I will go out and buy another charm for your bracelet." My eyes were watering. "I was thinking the initial of his first word will probably be the next charm I buy." She clasped the bracelet together and let her fingers dance over the charms that hung from my wrist. She looked me in the eyes. "Okay?"

I nodded "Okay."

Toby left right after dinner. He had the night patrol this year. Spencer walked him out. Jason and Aria snuck out together after Toby. Veronica decided to stop by her office for paperwork and Spencer went with her. Hanna and Ashley left after them to spend the rest of the day together at the hotel Spa. I helped Pam put away the food and clean the kitchen while Emily entertained Grayson.

I hugged Pam at the door and she took Grayson into her arms for a final kiss. Emily strapped him into his car seat. "I'll be back soon." She told her mom. I walked over to the passenger side of Emily's car while she settled him into the backseat. The drive to my house was silent. Once we got there it was just past 8:00.

They moment I stepped in the door I could feel exhaustion set in. I plopped down on the couch and Emily set Grayson down in his carrier in front of me. It was time to feed him again. I felt fingers unzip the back of my dress before they were gone again. I didn't even blink. I just picked up my son and got to it. I could hear Emily disappear upstairs.

I was pushing my bra back in place when she reappeared. She took Grayson from my arms.

"I ran you a bath upstairs." She said. "I'll give him a bath and but him to bed while you're in." I thanked her and moved upstairs to my bathroom. Neither of us bothered to rezip the dress. One of the scented Christmas candles from bath and body works was burning and the tub was filled with bubbles. I undressed, put my hair up into a messy bun, and sank into the tub without a second thought. I could feel the Epsom salt at the bottom of the tub. I breathed out releasing the stress in my body. Thank you, Emily.

I got out once my skin started to wrinkle. I took my time drying off and putting lotion on my body. I peeked over into the bassinet on the other side of the room. Grayson was there and asleep. I threw on some boy shorts and a large T-shirt, and made my way downstairs.

Emily was laying against the arm of the couch flipping through channels. She looked over at me at the sound of my bare feet padding on the tile floor. Her eyes quickly darted down my bare legs and back up to me.

"Hey, you wanna watch a movie with me?" She asked. I nodded and she lifted the blanket she was using, silently inviting me to join her. I climbed under the blanket and snuggled up against her. She tucked the blanket around me and then proceeded to flip through the channels. Finally, she stopped on the movie " _The Grinch Who Stole Christmas_ " with Jim Carey. I snorted at her choice. She didn't defend herself, she just shushed me and turned up the volume.

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I was aware of was Emily's hushed voice talking on the phone. "Are you sure there isn't anything else that can be done?" She paused. "No, I understand … Thank you that helps some… I Know… Thanks coach have a good night." She hung up the phone calmly, but the tension in her body told me something was wrong.

"Em?" I tilted my head up to see her face. "What's wrong?" I asked.

She shook her head and tossed her phone onto the coffee table. "We had a good day today, I don't want to ruin it."

I sat up then. "It's already ruined if something is bothering you." I argued. "And I would rather you tell me now and rip the Band-Aid off." It was going to bother me until she told what it was.

She hid her face in her hands and groaned loudly in frustration. She looked at me apprehensively. "You're not gonna like it." She warned me.

I stayed firm and guarded myself. "What is it?"

She sighed. "It was my job."

 **I know it's been a long time and I am so sorry. I am so mentally exhausted this semester that it actually is funny. It took me a while to figure out how I wanted to continue this story and I think Ive got it. I have also been working on another story. It is a one shot and is already over 11,000 words and still isn't done. I can't wait to finish it and post it. I hope it won't by months before the next update. I wasn't going to post this chapter yet. I wanted to write the next one first but I figured I had made people wait long enough. Therefore, I decided to post it as soon as it finished.**

 **As always please review. I love reading reviews.**


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm alive, I know. The semester just finished and I am free of my obligations and stress.**

 **Disclaimer. I do not own Pretty Little Liars. I apologize in advance for any errors you find.**

 **Alison's POV**

I was dreading this conversation. I figured her job would become a hot topic between us at some point, but I didn't think it would be this soon. Though I should have expected it. Things had been going extremely well between us. She had been amazing with Grayson, but I knew her promises could only be taken with a grain of salt. My mental walls that been yielding to her were gradually strengthening with each passing second.

I was mentally distancing myself and she hadn't even started talking yet. I was going through all of the things that I would have to do on my own now. Sleeping would be cut down now since Emily wouldn't be here with Grayson during the day. The amount of laundry and dishes would be on the rise, it was amazing how many dishes and clothes a baby went through a day. Was Emily even going to be coming back? Would she only have summers and Christmas holidays to give to Grayson? To me?

"Stop that." Emily's voice tore through my thoughts. "You're lying in my arms and I can feel you getting further away from me. So, stop." I rolled my eyes, although she wasn't wrong. I moved up and pushed myself into a sitting position. She followed. "At least let me tell you about the arrangements Coach and I have made."

I sighed. "I need wine for this." I said moving towards the kitchen. "And I don't want to hear a word about it Emily." I could almost hear her mouth snap shut. She was nervous about alcohol and caffeine and anything else that I consumed and by extension Grayson. "I am well aware that I am breastfeeding, and I would never eat or drink anything that would potentially harm my son."

I opened the pantry door and mentally cursed Jason and Spencer. The wine had been moved to the top shelf. One bottle of red wine was closest to the edge, so I made a reach for that one. I could very nearly push it off the ledge into my awaiting had. Suddenly a tan hand was grasping the neck of the bottle and Emily's front was pressed against the back of my body and her hand on my hip. I inhaled sharply and just as quickly as she came, she was gone again.

I hated that she could do that. She barely touched me, and my body was aflame everywhere. Damn her. Instead of handing the bottle to me. I turned my head to see her walk away and place the wine on the counter. I shut the pantry door behind me. She took to glasses out of the cabinet and moved to the drawer beside stove. She rummaged through the cooking utensils before grasping the corkscrew and pushed the drawer close. She made a quick work of screwing in the corkscrew and popping the bottle open. She didn't bother removing the cork from the tool, just tossed on the counter and began filling both glasses halfway.

She held out one glass for me and took the other into her hand. I took a healthy swig from my glass let the sweet wine caress my taste buds. I closed my eyes and savored another taste of wine. When I opened my eyes, she was watching me. Her eyes swirling with emotion. She really needed to stop looking at me like that.

I shook my head. "What's going on Emily?"

She sighed and shook her head. "Can we sit?"

"No. I don't want to sit down." I said in exasperation. "Just tell me."

Emily glanced down at her wine glass and took a healthy sip. "They want me back in California."

I suspected that. I was just anxious for her to say it out loud. I nodded. "When are you leaving?"

She shook her head. "I haven't made any decisions yet." She protested. "I wouldn't make those kinds of decisions without you."

"Why not?" I questioned. The bitterness and anger seeped into my voice. "You've done it before. Why is it different this time? What's changed?"

Her brown eyes looked at me as if I had grown a second head. "What's changed?" She repeated in disbelief. "You became the mother of my child Alison. That's what's changed."

I snorted "I was the mother of your child the last time too."

Emily's mouth snapped shut and her nostrils flared. She started to say something before thinking better of it. She instead decided to down the rest of her glass and take a deep breath. I could admit to myself that I know exactly how to push her buttons. It may be a bit petty, but the thought of her leaving again hurt me and I wanted her to hurt too.

She set her glass on the counter. Her eyes flickered to the bottle and it held her attention for a moment. She made no move to touch it and looked away. Her glaze then flickered to me. I watched her do a full intake of my body before settling on my eyes. It was like she could see straight through me. Emily knew exactly what I was doing so, she pushed the anger from her mind and her body untensed. "I understand that I hurt you. I am well aware of that Alison. It is constantly at the front of my mind that things could have been better between us if I had just talked to you. I made assumptions based on my own fears and insecurities, and for that I am truly sorry." She pressed her palms together and made sure to look me straight in the eye as she apologized. Then she let her hands drop. "But dammit Alison, I love my son." She hesitated as if debating whether she should say something else or not. Then she said, "And as much as we like to ignore and tip toe around it, I am also in love with you."

I could feel the blood in my veins freeze and my heart stutter in my chest. "I am doing my best to make sure the decisions I make are the best for us and Grayson. I've learned from my mistakes. So yes, I want to talk to you first before I make any decisions that would affect you and our son." I was silent and unsure of how to respond to that. "Now, can we go sit down and talk about this please?" she said with her pleading brown eyes.

I nodded my head. Emily straightened her stance and stood back to allow me to pass her. I took another sip from my glass and made my way back to the couch. She followed without a word.

It seemed like we always end up in this position. I was once again seated on the couch facing Emily who sat on the arm chair across from me. We sat in this position the day she told me she was leaving for California. I could almost feel our past repeating.

"Alison?" she called my name. Instead of looking at her my eyes shifted to my wine glass. I moved my hand in a circular motion and watched the contents of my glass swirl. Emily sighed and stood up. I didn't look up until she took the wine glass from my hand and set it on the coffee table. She took both of my hands into her darker ones and called my name again. I breathed deeply and finally allowed myself to look at her. Such soulful brown eyes. "If you ask me to stay I will." She whispered.

I shook my head in disbelief and rolled my eyes. She tugged on my hands to bring my attention back to her. "If you ask me to stay, I will." She said again. Her brown eyes spoke of sincerity. I wanted to believe her, but I still wasn't sure.

I pulled my hands from hers and reached for my wine glass, sipping it softly as I relaxed back into the couch. I pulled the glass from my lips. "And what happens if I ask you to stay?" My voice came out soft.

She shrugged, "Then I look for a job here." She said it as if it was that simple. "I'd still need to go back to California to pack up my place, but I'd come straight back here."

I shook my head at her. "You say that like it's so simple."

"It is that simple." Emily said so smoothly, but I know that can't be the case.

"Then why did you seem so stressed while on the phone." I asked. I reached forward to put my empty glass back on the coffee table.

"Just a few loose ends to tie up is all." She shrugged.

I huffed out a humorless laugh. "You've become a better liar Emily." I cocked my head to the side. "But I guess you had no choice in that." She started to speak, but I cut her off. "If things were that simple, you would've done it already." I curled my leg up on the couch and turned my body to face her. "I can't make a decision without all the facts."

She bit down on her lip before answering. "I just don't want you to think I'm leaving again. Or that I want my job more than I want to be here with you and Grayson."

I could admit to myself that the thought was first to cross my mind. I nodded in acceptance. "I'm listening then."

She sat up with her elbows resting on her thighs. "If I don't go back the chances of me finding another coaching job are slim."

"You mean for the rest of the season?" I asked. That didn't seem too bad.

"No, I mean for a few seasons. And any other jobs I do get as a coach won't be close enough to Rosewood." She huffed.

"Why would it take a few seasons?" I asked.

"I signed a contract for a year, and there are stipulations. And I don't have a good work history, because of everything with A. I ended up leaving a few jobs quite suddenly. If I leave this job in the middle of the season I'd prove to be undependable, which I told them wouldn't be a problem. Coach is a good person and very fair, but she's not gonna lie for me." She explained. "Any other coaching jobs would pass me over for someone more dependable. Not only that, but I would be in breach of contract, so that's a whole other issue." She put her face into her hands and released a long breath.

I could understand the situation a bit better. Contracts are legally binding. If she doesn't fulfill the terms they could take it to court. "When does the contract expire?" I questioned.

"Until May." She answered quickly.

"Then what?"

"I'd transfer to University of Pennsylvania. One of the coaches is going up to Washington after this season. My head coach has talked to the head coach there. He is willing to take me depending on how this season goes. It's a 45-minute commute from here."

Her tired brown eyes were locked on me. It seemed like a no brainer to me. It didn't make sense for her to stay and work dead end jobs when she would be back in a few months with better prospects. My family was old money, so I could afford to stay home and provide for Grayson at the same time. Emily didn't have that option. I didn't want my son to have a mother that lived with his grandmother and worked at a low-income job. Eventually she would need a decent place for when she had Grayson with her. Grayson needed parents that could provide him with stability and with a safe environment. "When do you leave?" I asked. Her eyes saddened.

"Alison-", she started.

"Emily I'm not going to ask you to stay." I cut her off. "It's obvious that the you need to go back. I won't be the reason you career suffers. We're not kids anymore. We have real life consequences, and this is your career. The thing you will be doing the rest of your life. I'm not going to take that from you, because I want you here. I knew there was a possibility that you would need to go back to California when I agreed to our arrangement, so when do you leave?"

I stared emotionlessly at her. She hesitated before answering. "I was originally supposed to leave on the 3rd of January."

"That's next week Emily!" My cheeks flushed in anger and I glared at her.

She held her hand up in a peaceful gesture. "I know, but that's what coach called about. They've agreed to maternity leave. I don't have to go back until the 3rd of February now. I'll miss 2 meets but those are pre-season meets."

I sighed in relief. I wasn't ready for her to leave yet. Where Grayson is concerned, Emily is my partner. Being a parent is tiring and she halved that weight I felt. I was nervous about being alone with Grayson without help. I spent months preparing to do this alone, and then Emily showed up at the hospital and it was a relief to know that I wouldn't have to.

"What are you thinking?" Emily asked nervously.

I rubbed my face in exasperation. "That I don't want you to leave." I answered honestly. "I've gotten used to relying on you with Grayson, and now it'll just be me and him for a while. And I'm nervous about it. Or a little scared I guess." Emily watched me with concerned eyes. "But I'll be fine." I reassured myself and her. I nodded trying to let my words comfort me. I'll be fine. "And you?" I asked. "What are you thinking about?"

She shrugged. "Honestly?" She asked. I nodded. I only wanted truth from her. "I'm scared to leave." She answered.

"Why?" My face contorted in curiosity.

"I'm scared that if I leave you'll change your mind and decided that I can't be in Grayson's life or yours." She admitted. "I've been trying really hard these past weeks to get transferred somewhere closer. Every morning when I show up with coffee, I'm terrified that you'll tell me to leave."

"Do you really think I'd do that?" I was hurt that she thought that way of me.

"I legally signed away my parental rights to the eggs they extracted from me. I can't fight you if you decide that you don't want me around Alison. I know this is my second chance and I feel like I'm ruining it if I return to California. But I won't be able to provide for Grayson the way I want to if I don't go back. I want him to be proud to have me as his mom, but I can't do that if he doesn't know me at all." She leaned back into the couch and turned her head to look for my reaction.

I understood her fears and they were the opposite of mine. "I'm scared that if you go to California that you won't come back." It seemed this situation brought forth both of our fears and insecurities.

"So, what do we do?" She asked.

"We have to push that fear down and trust each other. I have to trust that you aren't going to leave me. That you won't break Grayson's heart." Or mine. "You need to trust that I would never take him from you." I answered.

"And when it's time for me to go to California, I promise to call every day. Probably multiple times a day." She said it in a joking manner, but I knew she was serious. "And I will call a lot most likely. Cause I haven't even left yet, and it hurts already." Her words were spoken softly and her eyes were sincere. It felt the same for me.

"Then let's not think about it right now. We have over a month before that happens." She nodded in agreement. I covered my mouth with my hand as I yawned. "We'll talk about this more tomorrow." I said standing up. She nodded and stood up as well and reached for her keys. I shook my head. "It's late Em just stay the night." I said taking the keys from her hand and placing them back on the table. She didn't fight me.

I started heading towards the stairs when she called out to me. "Alison?" I stopped at the foot of the stairs and turned back to look at Emily. Her hands were stuffed in her jean pockets. Her demeanor had shrunk, and she shuffled her feet. I was once again reminded of her younger self. "Do you still love me?" She asked.

"Love has never been the problem between us Emily." I answered honestly, and I could see the hope swell up in her. "It's always been trust." I watched as she deflated a little. "But I think we'll be okay." I added. "I hope we will be." She nodded.

"I know things look bleak right now." She admitted. "I keep disappointing you and our trust in each other is broken. It has been for years. I know that, but I want to work on it with you. Things are difficult between us right now and this is still the happiest I've been in years." I knew what she meant. Things were broken between us right now, but Grayson was a shining light that neither of us has had in years. "I want you to know that I meant what I said."

"What?" I asked confused.

"I'll be there for each milestone, and you'll get a new charm for your bracelet each time." She reminded me.

"What if you're in California when they happen?" I asked.

"Then when I'm back in your presence, I'll spend my time on my knees begging for your forgiveness." I didn't miss the suggestive tone in her voice. My breath hitched.

I pursed my lips. "He'll only be six months in May. You won't miss much, and you won't have to spend any time on your knees."

She perched up one of her perfectly dark eyebrows. "If it pleases you to see me on my knees Alison, then that's where I'll be." She retorted. Well, her confidence seemed to be back

I could feel the heat creeping through my entire body. Damn these hormones. I cleared my throat. "Good night Emily." I turned and started up the stairs.

"Good night Alison." She called after me. Her eyes burned into my back but I refused to glance back.

 **So there you guys have it. Please Review I love them.**

 **I know some of you guys won't like that Emily is going back to California, but like I said I want this to be realistic. Most people can't leave there jobs suddenly without any plan and second job lined up. I don't see there being very many chapters left to this and I don't know when the next chapter will be up but thank you for staying with me.**

 **Review.**


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